Potreban savet: Moju ćerku maltretiraju

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tamaroa
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  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    My daughter is 14.  Freshman in high school.  Her and a couple of friends are being bullied by a group of afro americans within the town here. 

    She is now afraid to walk home from school as she was chased and it caused her to have an Asthma attack.  I have contacted the local police.  They are aware but have "seen" nothing so have nothing to act on.

    Thay feel if they go to the parents, and reveal my daughter's name she will then be a "target"    .

    Im at my wits end, because gang activity is rough stuff and my child should be able to walk the street after school without fear.

    Any feedback would be great...........Thanks

    Moja ćerka ima 14 godina. Brucoš u srednjoj školi. Nju i nekoliko prijatelja maltretira grupa afroamerikanaca u ovom gradu.

    Sada se plaši da ode kući iz škole jer su je jurili i zbog toga je dobila napad astme. Kontaktirao sam lokalnu policiju. Oni su svesni, ali ništa nisu „videli“, pa nemaju na šta da deluju.

    Osećam da ako odu kod roditelja i otkriju ime moje ćerke, ona će tada biti "meta".

    Na kraju sam priseban, jer je aktivnost bandi gruba stvar i moje dete bi trebalo da može da hoda ulicom posle škole bez straha.

    Svaka povratna informacija bi bila odlična.........Hvala
  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Hi Tam,

    I would certainly contact the school. If possible talk to the parents. Having a rapport with the parents may help in cooling down the rivalry.

    The ethic background of the perpetrators probably was not a good thing to mention. There is sensitivity among people's heritage. Some may claim...."would you mention the ethnicity of group if they were for example Irish or Polish"?

    I am certain you meant no harm....and i know you are worried enough right now. But as to the color of their skin....it should be of no relevance.

    There is nothing more worrisome or painful than to see your own child in fear of a bully. If at all possible you can sit down with the parents in a civilized manner this may do wonders!!

    Please keep us updated.....my thoughts are with you and your daughter.

    Lips
    Zdravo Tam,

    Ja bih se svakako obratio školi. Ako je moguće, razgovarajte sa roditeljima. Odnos sa roditeljima može pomoći u hlađenju rivalstva.

    Etičko poreklo počinilaca verovatno nije bilo dobro spominjati. Među narodnim nasleđem postoji osetljivost. Neki mogu tvrditi... "da li biste spomenuli etničku pripadnost grupe da su na primer Irac ili Poljak"?

    Siguran sam da niste mislili ništa loše... i znam da ste sada dovoljno zabrinuti. Ali što se tiče boje njihove kože....to ne bi trebalo da bude relevantno.

    Nema ništa zabrinjavajuće ili bolnije od toga da vidite sopstveno dete u strahu od nasilnika. Ako je ikako moguće, možete da sednete sa roditeljima na civilizovan način, ovo može učiniti čuda!!

    Molimo vas da nas obaveštavate... moje misli su sa vama i vašom ćerkom.

    Usne
  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Thank You for your reply,  and I meant no harm.  Ive seen white, hispanics, blacks etc etc good and bad throughout life.  One of my best friends is black, and he is a wonderfull man. 

    As I see no hope to  talk with the parents,  this particular situation is the mother only parent is on probation for drug dealing and she is said to be a very mean person.

    I have been advised that I if I were to go to her home, more than likly I would be  hurt, as the people there are not to reason.  They are fully aware of their children's activity, and have been warned by local police. 

    I honestly feel that this is gang related, and that someone's child will be hurt at some point.  I spoke with a mother whom has also made a complaint at the local police regarding her child being chased and taunted and scared to death.  And also this girl has had things thrown at her.

    It's a scarey  situation for all involved.  What bothers me also is that you hear of children, young children being pushed over the edge, and then something bad happpens.

    I will keep this topic updated as any new  news occurs. 

    thank you for prayers,
    T

    Hvala vam na odgovoru i nisam mislio ništa loše. Video sam bele, hispanoamerikance, crnce itd itd., dobro i loše tokom života. Jedan od mojih najboljih prijatelja je crnac, i on je divan čovek.

    Pošto ne vidim nikakvu nadu da razgovaram sa roditeljima, ova konkretna situacija je da je majka jedina majka na uslovnoj kazni zbog dilanja droge i za nju se kaže da je veoma zla osoba.

    Rečeno mi je da ću, ako odem kod nje kući, više nego verovatno biti povređen, jer ljudi tamo ne smeju da razumiju. Oni su potpuno svesni aktivnosti svoje dece, a lokalna policija ih je upozorila.

    Iskreno osećam da je ovo vezano za bande i da će nečije dete kad-tad biti povređeno. Razgovarao sam sa majkom koja se takođe prijavila lokalnoj policiji da je njeno dete jureno, ismejano i nasmrt uplašeno. I takođe je ova devojka imala stvari na nju.

    To je zastrašujuća situacija za sve uključene. Smeta mi i to što čujete da se deca, mala deca guraju preko ivice, a onda se desi nešto loše.

    Ovu temu ću redovno ažurirati kako bude bilo kakvih novih vesti.

    hvala na molitvama,
    T

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    I know it's not an easy thing to do, especially with the economy and also you shouldn't even have to in the first place, but have you considered moving? I've seen situations like yours and I hate to discourage you, but alot of times, nothing is going to change and those bullies are going to get worse. When they have parents as you describe, obviously the trouble starts at home. There is no discipline at home, alot of cases the child is abused, and  therefore only know how to act out violently.The parents more than likely could care less what their children are doing, and in some cases encourage their bad behavior and are proud that their child is not one to be reconned with. There are thousands of reason stuff like this goes on and I only named a few possiblities, but if your local police or social services....[you can call them and if they see the parent is unfit or and the child is uncontrolble they can place the child in foster care] aren't willing or able to protect your child and you fear that you can't protect her either, then maybe moving is the only thing you can do to ensure the safety of your daughter. I myself those to move to another part of town one year because for some reason one really popular girl didn't like my daughter and was constantly calling her names and making fun of her, of course alot of other students would join in and laught. I got fed up with seeing her come home crying everyday and decided to move. She had no problems at all in her new school. I really felt I shouldn't have had to move, very costly and time consuming, and did I mention I had to pick up my life and rearrange everything because of a handful of SECONDGRADERS? But it  turned out to be a great decision because as I mention she had no problems with any students at the new school and I no longer had to worry about her falling into a depression. As parents we have to do any and everything we can to help, and protect our children.

    Znam da to nije laka stvar, posebno sa ekonomijom, a takođe i ne bi trebalo ni da morate, ali da li ste razmišljali o selidbi? Video sam situacije poput vaše i mrzim da vas obeshrabrujem, ali mnogo puta se ništa neće promeniti i ti nasilnici će se pogoršati. Kada imaju roditelje kao što opisujete, očigledno nevolje počinju kod kuće. Kod kuće nema discipline, u mnogim slučajevima dete je zlostavljano, pa samo znaju kako da se ponašaju nasilno. Roditelje bi verovatno bilo manje briga šta im deca rade, au nekim slučajevima podstiču njihovo loše ponašanje i ponosni su da njihovo dete nije od onih sa kojima se treba obračunati. Postoje hiljade razloga zašto se ovakve stvari nastavljaju, a ja sam naveo samo nekoliko mogućnosti, ali ako vaša lokalna policija ili socijalna služba....[možete ih pozvati i ako vide da je roditelj nesposoban ili je dete nekontrolisano, oni su može da smesti dete u hraniteljstvo] nisu voljni ili u mogućnosti da zaštite vaše dete i bojite se da ni vi ne možete da je zaštitite, onda je možda preseljenje jedino što možete da uradite da biste obezbedili bezbednost svoje ćerke. I ja sam one da se preselim u drugi deo grada jedne godine jer iz nekog razloga jedna zaista popularna devojka nije volela moju ćerku i stalno je prozivala i ismevala je, naravno da bi se i mnogi drugi studenti pridružili i smejali. Dosadilo mi je da je svakodnevno vidim kako dolazi kući plačući i odlučio sam da se preselim. U novoj školi nije imala nikakvih problema. Zaista sam osećao da nije trebalo da se selim, veoma skupo i dugotrajno, i da li sam spomenuo da moram da pokupim svoj život i sve preuredim zbog šačice DRUGOGLASA? Ali ispostavilo se da je to bila odlična odluka, jer kao što sam spomenuo nije imala problema ni sa jednim učenikom u novoj školi i više nisam morao da brinem da li će pasti u depresiju. Kao roditelji, moramo da učinimo sve što možemo da pomognemo i zaštitimo našu decu.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Sound advice by satansmuff.

    If you are that worried, then definitely move away from the area and find a "non gang" area - if there is such a thing?  I don't know USA at all and I would be foolish to pretend that I did.  Is there somewhere you can move to where there aren't any gangs? 

    It would stop your child worrying, it would stop you worrying and whilst it is a huge upheaval, it has to be worth it in the longrun. 

    If something happened (and God forbid that it ever did) you would not be able to live with yourself.  You have to do what is the best option all round for both your child and you and your family and never regret not making the right decision at the right time.

    blue

    Dobar savet od satansmuffa.

    Ako ste toliko zabrinuti, onda se definitivno udaljite od tog područja i pronađite područje "ne bande" - ako tako nešto postoji? Uopšte ne poznajem SAD i bilo bi glupo da se pretvaram da jesam. Ima li negde gde se možete preseliti gde nema bandi?

    To bi sprečilo vaše dete da brine, sprečilo bi vas da brinete i dok je to ogroman preokret, mora da se isplati na duži rok.

    Da se nešto dogodilo (a ne daj Bože da se ikada dogodilo) ne biste mogli da živite sami sa sobom. Morate da uradite ono što je najbolja opcija za vaše dete i vas i vašu porodicu i nikada ne požalite što niste doneli pravu odluku u pravo vreme.

    Plavi

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Get law enforcement involved.  If that does not help, then I agree with Satansmuff.....you may want to consider moving.  Until then, be very present and reassure your child. 

    Uključite organe za sprovođenje zakona. Ako to ne pomogne, onda se slažem sa Satansmuffom.....možda biste želeli da razmislite o preseljenju. Do tada, budite veoma prisutni i uverite svoje dete.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

        Is it possible to walk your daughter home and to school everyday? I know as a mother I would not leave her alone and if I seen the kids who bothered her I would look them straight in the eyes.
        Its not wise to say anything to them!
    but your daughter must attend school in a bad neighborhood and its a parents duty and responsibility to make sure they are safe.
        Dont let her be alone in a situation where no adult is present. Once shes in the school its now the schools responsibility to make sure she is not bullied and is safe.Take turns with the other mothers and fathers to walk these kids to and from school. The police departments cant be there to help there are cuts in funds in every state and unfortunatley this means less patroling officers. Dont leave the responsibility of safeguarding your children to others take action and protect these kids. Be there for them!
          Running away from bullies is not a good idea neither is moving away you and the other parents have to stand up against these bullies by showing them "We are not tollerating bullying and us parents are here for our children".
            Though much younger and I am in a less populated area I once told my son in 6th grade to stand up to a bully(which if its gang related I DO NOT suggest your daughter does!)He did get suspended for a day and so did the bully and now they are good friends.
              Please I beg of you , do not stand idly by waiting for the school or the police to stop this make sure your daughter is walked to and from school with adults present! Even at fourteen if she doesnt like having her parents or adults do that too bad its better than her dead!

    Da li je moguće da otpratite svoju ćerku kući i u školu svaki dan? Znam da je kao majka ne bih ostavila samu i da vidim decu koja joj smetaju pogledala bih ih pravo u oči.
    Nije mudro ništa im reći!
    ali vaša ćerka mora da pohađa školu u lošem kraju i obaveza i odgovornost roditelja je da se postaraju da su bezbedni.
    Ne dozvolite joj da bude sama u situaciji u kojoj nema odrasle osobe. Jednom kada uđe u školu, sada je škola odgovorna da se pobrine da je ne maltretiraju i da je bezbedna. Smenjujte se sa drugim majkama i očevima da šetate ovu decu do i iz škole. Policijske uprave ne mogu biti tu da pomognu jer su sredstva smanjena u svakoj državi i nažalost to znači manje patrolnih službenika. Ne prepuštajte odgovornost za zaštitu vaše dece drugima da preduzmu mere i zaštite ovu decu. Budite tu za njih!
    Bežanje od nasilnika nije dobra ideja, niti je udaljavanje vi i drugi roditelji moraju da se suprotstave ovim nasilnicima pokazujući im „Ne tolerišemo maltretiranje i mi roditelji smo tu zbog naše dece“.
    Iako sam mnogo mlađi i nalazim se u manje naseljenom području, jednom sam rekao svom sinu u 6. razredu da se suprotstavi nasilniku (što, ako je vezano za bandu, NE predlažem da vaša ćerka to uradi!) On je bio suspendovan na jedan dan, a tako je i bilo. nasilnik i sada su dobri prijatelji.
    Molim vas, preklinjem vas, nemojte stajati skrštenih ruku čekajući da škola ili policija ovo zaustave, pobrinite se da vaša ćerka bude pešačena do škole i iz škole sa odraslima! Čak i sa četrnaest, ako ne voli da njeni roditelji ili odrasli to rade, šteta, bolje je nego da je mrtva!

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    In in the spirit of varied conversation, let me offer this:  The old advice of "standing up to bullies" is basically a good one.  But keep in mind this good, sage adviced emerged from a time when bullying consisted of verbal insults, having your cookie taken away during lunch, and being pushed on the playground.  To these, whether work or school, SHOULD be stood up to.  So, if this is the level of bullying your daughter is expericing, then YES stand up.  However, if these truly are gang members then their bullying may not consist of calling her names.  They may involve weapons or horrifying "games" of getting points for raping a female, etc.  What level is this bullying REALLY on?  From there you can make some decisions.

    U duhu raznolikog razgovora, dozvolite mi da ponudim ovo: stari savet „suprotstavljati se nasilnicima“ je u suštini dobar. Ali imajte na umu da je ovaj dobar, mudri savet proizašao iz vremena kada se maltretiranje sastojalo od verbalnih uvreda, oduzimanja kolačića za vreme ručka i guranja na igralište. Ovima, bilo na poslu ili u školi, TREBA se suprotstaviti. Dakle, ako je ovo nivo maltretiranja koji vaša ćerka doživljava, onda DA ustanite. Međutim, ako su to zaista članovi bande, onda se njihovo maltretiranje možda neće sastojati od prozivanja njenih imena. Oni mogu uključivati oružje ili užasne "igre" dobijanja poena za silovanje žene, itd. Na kom nivou je ovo maltretiranje STVARNO? Odatle možete doneti neke odluke.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    i am a little confused in your first comment you said a group of people are they gang members? if so there's little you can do, and does the entire group have the same parent? they cann't all be drug dealers if they don't, i would go to the school and put together a meeting of concerned parents and have some of the teachers there and throw out some problems and ideas together. you never know maybe some of the parents will belong to the bullys it would be easier then moving most parent want the best for their kids so stick together make the school aware and all the other parents as well and God Bless you i will pray for you and your daughter

    malo sam zbunjen u tvom prvom komentaru rekao si da su grupa ljudi članovi bande? ako je tako, malo možete da uradite, i da li cela grupa ima istog roditelja? ne mogu svi da budu dileri droge ako ne, ja bih otišao u školu i organizovao sastanak zabrinutih roditelja i imao bi neke od nastavnika tamo i zajedno izneo neke probleme i ideje. nikad se ne zna da će možda neki od roditelja pripadati nasilnicima bilo bi lakše nego da se presele većina roditelja želi najbolje za svoju decu zato se držite zajedno, obavestite školu i sve ostale roditelje i Bog vas blagoslovio moliću se za vas i tvoja ćerka

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Update:

    As my family  belongs to a local church, and has for the last 30 years, I brought this up at a family dinner.
      (Just Thurs. night
    My nephew is the asst. pastor there. and he informed me that he knew the girl who was  prevoking the turmoil with my daughter, as her mother has been sending her to sunday school on the free bus that picks up and takes home children who want to attend. He informed me that they had been working with her,  and that she  has been raised in an enviroment causing her to act the way she does. 

    I picked up my daughter yesterday, and I drove to the area where this girl lives. My daughter was scared , I assured her I would let nothing happen but that I was going to find out why this was going on.

    The girl was outside, I drove by slowly,,  as I circled the next block the girl was then at the yard line at a freinds house who was aware of this.  My friend walked out to the road , she was in her yard with her children. I pulled over and we both started talking to her. She said that her cousin told her that my daughter used the  "N"  word and it was overheard.

    My daughter spoke up and told this girl, I NEVER use that word, as I also assured the girl we as a family never use that word. So it  was briught out and the girls group is all friends and mostly relation that she runs with. Not an actual gang but a group, around 12-15 of them.

    I ended up talking with this girl for around 30 minutes , her and my daughter ended up shaking hands. 

    I can only hope this is over,  but Im not letting my guard down yet.  Even though schools and police are aware, I know there are still other children being bullied. 

    My daughter was relieved that it was confronted and dicussed in a normal manner. 

    I will update as things change but for now maybe this will help thses children to understand that they should'nt  pick on others and  try to hurt someone that has done nothing. 

    I guess now I wonder if this girl has told her mother about our conversation and if I will hear from her.  I will tell her what has been going on and  that it's not right. 

    I will keep u posted..T

    Ažuriranje:

    Pošto moja porodica pripada lokalnoj crkvi, i to poslednjih 30 godina, izneo sam ovo na porodičnoj večeri.
    (Upravo u četvrtak uveče
    Moj nećak je asistent. pastor tamo. i obavestio me je da poznaje devojku koja je izazvala nemir sa mojom ćerkom, jer ju je njena majka slala u nedeljnu školu besplatnim autobusom koji preuzima i vozi kući decu koja žele da idu. Obavestio me je da su radili sa njom i da je odrasla u okruženju koje je navelo da se ponaša na način na koji radi.

    Juče sam pokupio ćerku i odvezao se do kraja gde ova devojka živi. Moja ćerka je bila uplašena, uveravao sam je da neću dozvoliti da se ništa desi, ali da ću saznati zašto se to dešava.

    Devojka je bila napolju, prolazio sam polako, dok sam kružio sledeći blok, devojka je tada bila na liniji dvorišta u kući prijatelja koji su bili svesni ovoga. Moja drugarica je izašla na cestu, bila je u svom dvorištu sa decom. Stao sam i oboje smo počeli da razgovaramo sa njom. Rekla je da joj je rođak rekla da je moja ćerka upotrebila reč na "N" i da se to čulo.

    Moja ćerka je progovorila i rekla ovoj devojci, JA NIKAD ne koristim tu reč, kao što sam i uverila devojku da mi kao porodica nikada ne koristimo tu reč. Tako je došlo do toga i grupa devojaka je sve prijatelji i uglavnom veza sa kojima ona trči. Ne prava banda, već grupa, njih oko 12-15.

    Na kraju sam razgovarao sa ovom devojkom oko 30 minuta, ona i moja ćerka su se rukovale.

    Mogu samo da se nadam da je ovo gotovo, ali još ne spuštam oprez. Iako su škole i policija svesni, znam da još uvek ima druge dece koja se maltretiraju.

    Mojoj ćerki je laknulo što se to suočilo i razgovaralo na normalan način.

    Ažuriraću kako se stvari menjaju, ali za sada će ovo možda pomoći ovoj deci da shvate da ne bi trebalo da se zajebavaju sa drugima i pokušavaju da povrede nekoga ko ništa nije uradio.

    Pretpostavljam da se sada pitam da li je ova devojka rekla svojoj majci za naš razgovor i da li ću se čuti s njom. Reći ću joj šta se dešava i da nije u redu.

    Obaveštavaću vas..T

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Hi Tam,

    Another option that may work for you is Home Schooling. If your daughter suffers from asthma....that has to play a big part in your concern. Her health is in jeopardy and sometimes no matter what kind of precautions are taken....it can be tuff to keep bullies away. Especially if there are parents who don't discipline their children.

    Getting a ride to and from school is an option...but what about during class...or walking to and from class? Nothing gives a bully a bigger thrill then knowing they have you living in fear of them.

    The authorities in my opinion are worthless. They wait til there is actually harm done...and sometimes its just too late for that.

    Your her warrior angel.....to protect her and envelope her in a safe haven of protection. Sadly. sometimes outside help just isn't the answer.

    If there is no change...tell the school you want a at home tutor for your daughter....don't ask for it....DEMAND it. Explain her health issues. By law the school is obligated to do it if deemed necessary.

    Being bullied as a child is taken to lightly at times. It leaves scars and memories that last a life time.

    You mom......hold the power!!

    Lips
    Zdravo Tam,

    Druga opcija koja vam može pomoći je školovanje kod kuće. Ako vaša ćerka pati od astme....to mora da igra veliku ulogu u vašoj brizi. Njeno zdravlje je ugroženo i ponekad, bez obzira na mere predostrožnosti, može biti teško držati nasilnike podalje. Pogotovo ako ima roditelja koji ne disciplinuju svoju decu.

    Mogućnost prevoza do škole i od nje... ali šta je sa časom... ili peške do i od časa? Ništa ne izaziva veće uzbuđenje nasilnika od toga kada znate da živite u strahu od njih.

    Vlasti su po mom mišljenju bezvredne. Čekaju da se stvarno napravi šteta... a ponekad je za to prekasno.

    Vaš njen anđeo ratnik.....da je zaštitite i zaogrnete u sigurno utočište zaštite. Nažalost. ponekad pomoć spolja jednostavno nije odgovor.

    Ako nema promene...kažite školi da želite učitelja kod kuće za svoju ćerku....ne tražite to....ZATRAŽITE. Objasnite njene zdravstvene probleme. Po zakonu škola je dužna da to uradi ako smatra da je potrebno.

    Biti maltretirani u detinjstvu se ponekad olako shvata. Ostavlja ožiljke i uspomene koje traju ceo život.

    Ti mama......drži moć!!

    Usne
  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Sounds like a step in the right direction then tamaroa.  Well done to you but as you say, you're not going to let your guard down yet.

    Please do keep us posted.

    blue

    Zvuči kao korak u pravom smeru onda tamaroa. Bravo za tebe, ali kao što kažeš, nećeš još da spustiš gard.

    Molimo vas da nas obaveštavate.

    Plavi

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    you might look into a private school if all else fails

    možete potražiti privatnu školu ako ništa drugo ne uspe

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Hey tamaroa,

    I wanted to reply when you 1st made this post but I held off.  Because I know my advice isn't good advice at all, it has just always worked well for me.  (I really am not a "nice" as I seem)  I gotta agree with Lips, the authorities are USELESS until it's too late.

    It looks like you did the right thing, I really hope everything works out for all involved.

    Shelli
     
    Hej tamaroa,

    Hteo sam da odgovorim kada ste prvi objavili ovaj post, ali sam odustao. Zato što znam da moj savet uopšte nije dobar savet, jednostavno je uvek dobro delovao za mene. (Ja zaista nisam "fin" kako izgledam) Moram da se složim sa Lipsom, vlasti su BESKOrisne dok ne bude kasno.

    Izgleda da ste uradili pravu stvar, zaista se nadam da će sve uspeti za sve uključene.

    Shelli
  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Since I am not a Parent, I felt my comments were not permitted.

    I am thankful that you had the COURAGE to face it down and thus resolve what sounded like a tough matter.

    KUDOS and this will stick in your daughters mind for the resty of her life.

    "Mom, the peacemaker"

    Pošto nisam roditelj, smatrao sam da moji komentari nisu dozvoljeni.

    Zahvalan sam što ste imali HRABROST da se suočite sa tim i tako rešite ono što je zvučalo kao teška stvar.

    KUDOS i ovo će ostati u umu vaše ćerke do kraja njenog života.

    "Mama, mirotvorac"

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Tam,

    I think our posts crossed when i left my last reply.....thanks for the update....your working hard in this highly emotional stressful mess.

    Your moving in the right direction..........please keep us updated often.

    Lips
    Tam,

    Mislim da su se naši postovi ukrstili kada sam ostavio svoj poslednji odgovor.....hvala na ažuriranju....vaš naporno radiš u ovom veoma emotivnom stresnom neredu.

    Krećete se u pravom smeru..........molim vas da nas redovno ažurirate.

    Usne

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