Moj slučaj starateljstva

Hey guys, I had no idea when I made the slightest mention of my problems at how many people would reply and genuinely seem to care, so I decided to post an update...Well just got back a few mins ago, I live in the Richmond Va. area and "he" lives in the D.C. area.....about a 2 hour drive, well nothing really happened at all today mind you this is the first court date since I got the papers.....At court he tried to have my boyfriend thrown out of the room...you know, they guy that 100% supports his child...yeah, that guy..[lol, she's 13 and he has been paying me $40 a week for the past 2 years in child support, I can't even feed the dogs for a week with that].....AND he tried to have my lawyer tossed off the case also, claiming a conflict of interest since my lawyer is my mothers boyfriend...Thankfully he didn't get either of his request and my lawyer requested to have the case be heard in Richmond.....OMG, what a joke, the judge said that would be appropiate since that is where me and the child live and he was stupid enough to say to the judge..."I object to that, it would be a 2 hour drive for me if you moved it"
Hello.....like it's not a 2 hour drive for us PLUS our child would have to miss school if we have to go up there because there is no way of telling what time we would be able to make it back home....Needless to say it was indeed moved....it really amazes me at how he claims he wants what is best for her when all that comes out of his mouth is me,me,me.....oh poor baby doesn't want to drive down here for court, but it's ok for his kid to keep missing school  [that is if his dumb ass even thought about us not being able to make it home before she would get out of school] and sorry I'm not gonna go out of town and let her be at home by herslef without knowing when I might be back..... ...oh and in mediation [which went nowhwere] it was the mediators suggestion to try visitation first just to give our daughter the chance to build a relationship and maybe try to earn her trust and to finish the school year so she doesn't have to switch schools after she already started [he has been absent the majority of her life].....he looked right at the lady and simply said "Nope, I want it all right now" all as in physical and legas custody........how is that having someones best interest at heart, all I'm hearing is what he wants.....like I said...me,me,me and not a second thought as to how she would feel about anything!!!  Uggg this is sooo frustrating,  I know I'm not perfect and I have had legal problems of my own, which are in the past and put behind me, but that is the only thing he has in his favor so, I wonder where he's getting the idea that this is gonna work out for him, he's been gone most of her life, by his choice not mine although his wife likes to claim that I'm the one who keeps her away BULLSHIT, he's barely paid anything for her, oh and 2 years ago  HE SIGNED HER OVER TO ME, EVERYTHING!    forgot to mention that last little tid-bit lol!!!

thanks for the update. I actually was just thinking about you and just tried to figure out where to post to find out how it went.

I'm sorry if I missed part 1. But it sounds like that guy needs a swift kick you know where

Strange how it can be someone suddely wants to be "Daddy" again after so long. I'm glad the judge saw good reason to move it closer to you. Keep the chin and dukes up SM. 

well satan, i am glad things worked out for u so far...its good that it will be in ur state...do u dont have to travel...i am glad u posted because i was just starting to wonder how things went for u today...

what i dont understand is if he gave up his rights 2 years ago, what is it he wants now?  doesnt he know that speaks for itself..

anyhoot, good luck  things r turning around....now hit them damn slots...lol

Im sorry to hear your terribly traumatic time of it satan, I truly hope all works out exactly as it should i.e. your daughter stays with you.

He sounds like a prize idiot.  Why the interest all of sudden - is it monetary cos thats generally what its all about over here.

Do keep us posted.

blue

Any chance its because him and the new wifey cant have kids? Ive seen that one before, suddenly taking an interest because its cheaper than adopting.
I feel you are a good parent as you have not mentioned how you feel but hpw your daughter would feel and if she is in a safe family enviroment then there is no reason at all to give him custody.

Geneco, funny how you said that, he went from being father of the year [well not really, but he was a decent father] from birth until we broke up when she was 3, to NON-EXISTANT from 3-11, to in and out from 11 till now, and you really nailed it with SUDDEN.....mentioned nothing at all to me or her about it, just get a kock on the door from the sheriff one day out of the blue!  And to everyone else, thank you guys so much for caring.....it's a huge relief to be able to talk about this and vent a little, so thank you guys for being here for me!

Try to find out what his motive is why now does he want tax benefits??? there has to be a reason. And, don't let him know it bothers you that's half the battle and put it in God's hands he is the Best Judge of all Good Luck i will Pray for you

Satan, this is good, you won the first hearing It might not feel like a win, but it is! I believe the judge is gonna see right thru him and he will be lucky to get SUPERVISED visits...

in response to wintermare, no, that is not the reason they already have 2 children together, ones 7 and the others under a year old..........but I agree with the last post, I think it has something to do with money and YES a tax return......we almost came to an arrangement until he was told he wouldn't recieve the "pyhsical title" and you have to have physical in order to claim them on your taxes....he was really pushing the whole joint physical custody until the mediator told him it was impossible since we live over 100 apart and in order to have joint she has to live both places eual amounts of time....his suggestion to that???  He takes her everysingle weekend, every single holiday, every single school break including summers......so he just said he wants to take away every birthday party, sleepover, girls night out, basically her entire life outside of school so he can have that title................hmmmmmm you tell me what he's after!!

What a messy ordeal.

Keep in mind somethings about family law in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

First, the legal burden HE has to change a custody arrangement of a 13 year old is HUGE.  He would have to prove your daughter is completely better with him than you.  Unless you have fellony convictions for violence, drugs, etc., the odds are highly against him.

Second, and related to above.  This will cost him a great deal of money to carry it through to a hearing or trial.  And then, the odds are still against his wishes here.  He will have to fork out $1000s to get move this along.

Third, your daughter will have a lot of say so in who she wish to live with.

Praying for you!  Just keep hanging in there.

Hey i just rembered something i had two teenage daughters Hummmmmm!!! It's all coming back to me you might just want to lose cause believe me i would  rather raise ten teenage boys  (i had two of them as well)over one teenage daughter and then when she turns 20 take her back she'll will be normal again  sorry i just had to get that in to make you laugh

ok, I've got to be 100% honest in order to get 100% honest input, Dr. I got have 1 mistormenaor [spell check there lol] for a petty larsony that happened almost a year ago, other than that in 28 years that is the only thing on my record, and he did try to bring that up in mediation! She told him when he brought that up that , that was the past and we are focused on her present and the future and told him well both of us to stop trying to dig up past events!

The petty larceny means ZERO.  Don't worry about that.

Satans.....is the Ex working off some unresolved guilt?  Or is this purely a powertrip thing?

I've been thinking about this let me ask you one question our you really happy in your relationship maybe he is jealous and he wants you to be as miserable as he is there has to be an under lying reason

It's purely  a "he's a retard" thing......no clue what in the world could possibly be going through his head.....I think it's more his wife and mother influenceing him, because he's had no problem walking out of her life before......funny thing is he's got to be one of them most honest/lying person ever.......meaning when we are alone we can talk and work things out and he's open about why he does or doesn't do thing with her, but his wife is terrifed of letting that happen and when she's around he acts like an asshole to make her feel better.............But aside from that I don't see how I could possibly even begin to trust him with her...here comes the lying part, all he does is lie to those closest to him, he tells his daughter he'll be around or call every week....doesn't committ to that, cheats on his wife.....doesn't commit to that, and he thinks he's responsible enough to take her when he can't make a single committment in his life and stick to it..........?

Shelli.  I think you show how keeping the NUMBER ONE rule does work!  (Number one rule = never bad mouth your ex in front of your kids.)  This almost always backfires in the end.  But....as you wrote, you allowed your kids to come to their own conclusion about their dad.  Well done!

Well said Shelli, same here....I never needed to tell her anything bad about him, his absence and his actions now speak for themselves and oddly enough she has expressed to feeling to me and told me that the only reason she's afraid to speak her mind to him and his wife is because she's afraid they won't let her see her siblings if she makes them upset!!  Oh and yesterday after she got off of school [she goes to a friends house to do homework] she texted my boyfriend and told him she thinks she just ruined her life.......when she got home I asked her what was wrong and she said she called her dad to tell him she doesn't want to live with him and to drop this before it ends up costing them alot of money....her make her call his wife to tell her [why...I don't know considering he's the one who told me his wife has nothing to do with this and to leave her out of it] and her response was  "don't you love us?" and "what about your brother and sister, don't you love them and want to be in their life".......that is really pathetic that they would sink that low and purposely say things just to try and make her feel bad!!  Oh well, if that was her intentions lemme tell ya, it BACKFIRED big time!!  Instead of feeling bad, she's pissed off that his wife used the kids and she's even more pissed that she tried to whole don't you love us thing....of course she loves them, but that doesn't mean she has to give up her life of them!!!!!  Oh and one more thing.......I MADE HER CALL AND SAY EVERYTHING!!    At least that what her dad keeps insisting, I guess he doesn't realize that she is an actual human being with thoughts, feelings and emotions, and everytime she calls him and says something he doesn't like he ask her to tell me to stop making her call and say those things..........I have nothing to do with what she feels and she's told him that a dozen times, but hey....you know how stupid people are!

Hi Satan,

I can't have kids and don't have any wise things to add here, except I am upset for you, and I hate your situation, and I hope things get better for you.

  Nal

thanks, Nal......

lol!!!!!! 
shelli, you are so much like me..love you.
i was thinking it from the beginning. but i was going to say i was going to kick his ass!
sooooooo funny

hahaha realy sooooooo funny

Sorry Lips, but there is nothing to save, but it's all good, ever since the phone call yesterday when she tried to pull the don't yo love us and what about the kids crap...she's friggin hot!!!  She sat there and told me she though that was the lowest they could get and if it wasn't for fear of them taking the kids away from her that she would tell them to stay out of her life period.......so pretty much his wife attempt at f***** with her head and trying to make her feel guilty just made her more upset with them........!!!  And thank you everyone else for your support, it's really helping alot to be able to vent out here and it's even more helpful hearing all the support you guys are giving me, so from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU ALL!!   [man I love LCB]




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EDIT BY BLUEDAY

Profanity removed. 

Got an update on this....we finally go to court on the 27'th....we have actually talked and now they are only asking for visitation...so I guess when we go we just show them the arrangements and that's it......I still don't like the idea of visitation, because now it's gonna be more money out of my pocket to meet them halfway everyother week...[we live about 100 miles apart] And of course she has forgiven and forgotten and all I hear about for days after she gets home is Daddy this and Daddy that...I'm glad that she can finally have a relationship with him...but I'm seriously sick of hearing how the person who didn't even acknowledge the fact that she existed for 13 years is suddenly so great! Oh well....that's life I guess, gotta take the good with the bad! I'm not knocking it because it's gonna save alot of headache, but I still got to wonder why they went from I was physical and legal custody to oh wait....we just want visitation....Very strange!!

Sounds like you've made some progress.
Good job satan.
And once the court crap is over and done with you'll feel a heck of alot better.
As for your daughter suddenly wanting a relationship with dad out of the blue,
I hate saying it but no matter how much of a jerk he is, it might turn out better in the long run.

Btw, I was born in DC and grew up there (georgetown and by the national cathedral)

Probably moved off physical custody because the lawyer told them what the FEE would be to try to get it.......and a long shot at that!

I know it sux, and I know what you're going through & I'm sorry it's tough.

Trust me...you don't have a thing to worry about. It's going to cost him entirely too much $ to change things...that's why he backed down to visitation.

I know you don't want to do the drive and stuff....but please, keep in mind...she's 13..and the last thing you want from your daughter is resentment for not letting her see him, or talking bad about him. You can try to talk to her and just explain that her time w/her Dad is HER special time w/him, and when she's with you, it's YOUR time. She's 13, but she's not an idiot...I'm sure you can do the grownup Mommy/daughter friend talk w/her & she'll understand & maybe chill a little w/ the 'Daddy this & that".

Smile. It'll all work out. It really will.
Btw, I'm like 40 mins North of Richmond--how funny- so close. 

thanks guys!

Glad its going to be finally sorted.

Kids are resiliant and tend to live for the here and now.  I guess you should think yourself lucky that he does actually want to see her and she is happy seeing him.

My son was/is like he didn't/doesn't exist in the eyes of his father and he has had nothing to do with my son since he was just over 2.  My son is now 27.  I would have loved my son to talk about his "dad" even though we weren't together as a couple but as his dad wasn't interested, that never happened.

I do understand that this battle has been quite nasty though Satan and its great its going to be sorted...finally.  As long as your daughter is happy, that's the most important thing.

blue

Satan, So glad things are going to be sorted for you. Things do get easier. I have 4 kids, oldest being 30 now and youngest 15. I seperated from thier Father when youngest was born, he pays nothing for her to me and most times wants nothing to do with her unless she bows down to his every wish, but she just adores him, its Dad this and that and most days im the bad person but in my heart I know one day she will see him for who and what he really is and then maybe just maybe I can have my carefree beautiful 15 year old back to the way she was before he decided to have his so called rights.
Oh and now Ive made it about me and didnt mean 2 just wanted you to know I know where your at and what your going thru and that it does get better.