Trebaju "spoljni" pogledi ljudi..itd.

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lyndalou
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  • lyndalou
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  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Just looking to understand, please, try and help, Going to try to make a long story short (I should write a book) growing up for me wasn't easy, came from a broken family, my mother had 4 (me) step-father had 3, they took in a neighborhood child, she was brought in to "help" and then they had 1 together (the baby) He did adopt us 4, as my mom his. It was crazy growing up in our house, and could hardly wait to graduate to get "out". My real father was out of the picture, and still is after 40 some years. My step-father ruled the house with a very sturdy hand and boy do I mean sturdy. There were beatings almost regular, atleast someone was going to get it. All now are on their own and only the "baby" lives near mom and "dad".  My parents have since moved out of the house that we grew up in and now live in a "little house" and have made it their dream house.  One of my eldest sisters dicided when she got pregnant (24 yrs ago) to find her real mother, did so, and chose not to have a relationship with mom and dad anymore, let alone the sibilings. Dad never really made any of us feel wanted, and i love you's were never said.  I know they are getting up there in age right now 69 (still young though) and do very well. Well my younger brother Michael (we talk atleast 3-4 times per week) we out of all have a great relationship and visit each other every couple years. Well looks like I need to reply to myself to finish........CONT.

    Samo sam tražio da razumem, molim te, pokušaj da pomogneš, Pokušati da skratim priču (trebalo bi da napišem knjigu) Odrastanje za mene nije bilo lako, došao sam iz razorene porodice, moja majka je imala 4 (ja) korak -otac je imao 3, uzeli su dete iz komšiluka, ona je dovedena da "pomaže" i onda su imali 1 zajedno (bebu) On nas je usvojio 4, kao moja mama njegovu. Bilo je ludo odrastati u našoj kući, i jedva sam čekao da diplomiram da bih izašao. Moj pravi otac je bio van scene, i još uvek je posle 40 godina. Moj očuh je vladao kućom veoma čvrstom rukom, a dečak, mislim, čvrst. Bilo je batina skoro redovno, bar će neko dobiti. Svi su sada sami i samo "beba" živi u blizini mame i "tate". Moji roditelji su se od tada iselili iz kuće u kojoj smo odrasli i sada žive u "maloj kući" i napravili su je svojom kućom iz snova. Jedna od mojih najstarijih sestara je odlučila kada je zatrudnela (pre 24 godine) da pronađe svoju pravu majku, učinila je to i izabrala da više nema vezu sa mamom i tatom, a kamoli sa braćom i sestrama. Tata nikada nije učinio da se bilo ko od nas oseća poželjnim, a volim te, nikada nije rečeno. Znam da sada napreduju sa 69 godina (ipak su još uvek mladi) i rade veoma dobro. Pa moj mlađi brat Majkl (pričamo najmanje 3-4 puta nedeljno) mi od svih imamo odličan odnos i posećujemo se svakih nekoliko godina. Pa izgleda da moram sebi da odgovorim da završim........NASTAVAK.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Well, I will now tell you this, it seamed like everytime I came home to visit, it was more like a problem, never saying oh how good to see you, it was more like when are you leaving? My "dad" never got out of his "chair" and the groans and moans he makes, almost like I did something wrong.  I then decided 2 years ago that I was no longer going to visit, never feeling wanted so why bother?  Well I also stopped calling "home" for i sooned realized it was me making the phone calls always. Well a year went by and now two and still the phone has not rung, with mom and dad on the other end. I do send cards to my mom but only on holidays etc. as does she. Yes the cards are signed Love you.....hummmm? Well, my brother and I had a heart to heart talk a couple of weeks ago and I soon learned that he too has not called nore has he recieved any, in over 1 1/2 years. He told me he e-mailed my (our) mom and voiced his opinion to her and said your dad will never pick up the phone to call you, it's not going to happen. CONT>

    Pa, sad ću vam reći ovo, izgledalo je kao da svaki put kada dođem kući u posetu, to je više kao problem, nikad nisam rekao o, kako je lepo da te vidim, više je bilo kao kada odlaziš? Moj „tata“ nikada nije ustao iz svoje „fotelje“ i stenjanja i jauka koje ispušta, skoro kao da sam nešto pogrešio. Tada sam pre 2 godine odlučio da više ne idem u posetu, nikad se nisam osećao željenim, pa zašto se mučiti? Pa, takođe sam prestao da zovem "kući" jer sam ubrzo shvatio da sam ja uvek telefonirao. Prošla je godina, a sada dve, a telefon još uvek nije zvonio, a mama i tata su na drugoj strani. Ja šaljem čestitke svojoj mami, ali samo na praznike itd. kao i ona. Da, karte su potpisane Volim te..... hummmm? Pa, moj brat i ja smo razgovarali od srca do srca pre nekoliko nedelja i ubrzo sam saznao da ni on nije zvao niti je primio ništa, za više od 1 1/2 godine. Rekao mi je da je poslao mejl mojoj (našoj) mami i izneo joj svoje mišljenje i rekao da tvoj tata nikada neće podići telefon da te pozove, to se neće dogoditi. CONT>

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Wow couldn't believe that he too feels the same as I. Now Michael was never one to send cards but was always the one to show you a good time.  Whenever I go to visit him, limo's, fine dining, nfl tickets to games and always the best when he comes to visit or if you visit him with anyone, that is just how he is, and at his cost. I have never spent more then my airline tickets for the visit. I know the same is for my mom and dad.  He shared a story that on their last visit to see him, my brother took my dad to a pga golf (which they both love to play) he tickets had to have cost atleast 500.00 each, and not one thank-you,for real? Well, they then went to play golf with some of by brothers friends and one of them made a comment Michael, you are very talented and it was a joy just watching you....well dad's comment was oh, he is just showing off....are you kidding me? I was getting madder as he told me this.  Well michaels has cut all ties after that, who's to blame him?  My brother explained this to our mother and she is he is set in his ways.....and he is my husband and that's not ever going to change.  I couldn't believe that Michael had the very same feeling that I had too, he said evertime he goes home, dad wonders, when are you leaving....couldn't believe it.  Well, me now, I have had to have a spinalcord stimulator put in (major surgery) not once but twice this past year, and mom knew about it and I did not get a card or a visit (they live 2 1/2 hours away) CONT.

    Vau nisam mogao da verujem da se i on oseća isto kao i ja. Sada Majkl nikada nije bio od onih koji su slali čestitke, ali je uvek bio taj koji bi ti pokazao da se dobro provedeš. Kad god odem da ga posetim, limuzina, fini restorani, nfl karte za utakmice i uvek najbolje kada dođe u posetu ili ako ga posetite sa bilo kim, takav je i po njegovu cenu. Nikada nisam potrošio više od svojih avio karata za posetu. Znam da je isto i za moju mamu i tatu. On je podelio priču da je prilikom njihove poslednje posete da ga vide, moj brat je odveo mog tatu na pga golf (koji oboje vole da igraju), a karte su morale da koštaju najmanje 500,00 svaka, a ne jedno hvala, stvarno? Pa, onda su otišli da igraju golf sa nekim od prijatelja braće i jedan od njih je dao komentar Majkl, veoma si talentovan i bilo mi je zadovoljstvo gledati te... pa tatin komentar je bio oh, on se samo hvali ....da li se šališ na moj račun? Postajala sam ljuta dok mi je ovo rekao. Pa, Majkls je posle toga prekinuo sve veze, ko mu je kriv? Moj brat je ovo objasnio našoj majci i ona je nastrojena...i on je moj muž i to se nikada neće promeniti. Nisam mogao da verujem da je Majkl imao isti osećaj kao i ja, rekao je kad god ode kući, pita se tata, kada odlaziš.... nisam mogao da verujem. Pa, ja sada, morao sam da stavim stimulator kičmene moždine (velika operacija) ne jednom nego dva puta ove prošle godine, a mama je znala za to i nisam dobila kartu ili posetu (žive 2 1/2 sata daleko) NASTAVI.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    ....holding my breath here...

    ....zadržavajući dah ovde...

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    I had a tough time but getting better.  Well alot of other things to, like me buying a new house, another grandchild etc. alot of mildstones etc.  nothing. Well, by brothers b'day was Nov 4th and he did not recieve a b'day card from who....nope not our mother.  I not only sent one, but two. He called me to thank me and i could tell the hurt in his voice that mom didn't even send him a card, maybe it's on it's way, you know how the mail can be, but no, a day came, and then a week, nothing. How can a parent just forget? Now i'm not saying to send gifts, a card, a little stinking card! Well i was getting madder and madder. I myseld went on facebook and sounded off------and well, one of my sibilings wrote back, shut up, stop talking about my "family" and deleted me. I don't understand, please try to help me. I know "dad" is just okay deleting us one by one, but my mom? How does this happen?

    Bilo mi je teško, ali mi je bilo bolje. Pa mnogo drugih stvari do, kao što sam kupio novu kuću, još jedno unuče itd. Puno mildstones itd. Ništa. Pa, po braći rodjendan je bio 4. novembar i nije dobio čestitku od koga.... ne od naše majke. Ne samo da sam poslao jednu, već dve. Zvao me je da mi se zahvali i u njegovom glasu sam videla povređenost što mu mama nije poslala ni čestitku, možda je već na putu, znaš kako pošta može da bude, ali ne, došao je dan, a onda nedelju, ništa. Kako roditelj može samo zaboraviti? Sada ne kažem da šaljem poklone, čestitku, malu smrdljivu čestitku! Pa, postajao sam sve ljutiji i ljutiji. I ja sam otišao na fejsbuk i zvučao isključeno------i dobro, jedan od mojih braće mi je uzvratio, umuknuo, prestani da pričaš o mojoj "porodici" i izbrisao me. Ne razumem, pokušajte da mi pomognete. Znam da je "tata" u redu da nas briše jednog po jednog, ali moja mama? Kako se ovo dešava?

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    lyndalou - this is such a sad story.

    My opinion - for what its worth...it sounds like your mum is deeply in love with your "dad".  Whilst he may have adopted you all, he has not acted like a father in any shape or form.  Your mother seems to have abandoned you all for the sake of this man - to keep him happy.  If anything happened to him, then I have no doubt that she will turn to her children for comfort and by the sounds of it, that comfort will unlikely be there.

    It sounds as though you have done everything in your power to have a relationship with your mother, but she clearly has no interest at all. 

    As for your sister deleting you from facebook, she obviously doesn't share your views or alternatively, she is worried your "dad" will see it.

    On top of all that, you have your own problems with your back and other things happening in your life. 

    If it was me, I would just walk away, keep in touch with my brothers and sisters that want to keep in touch with me and get on with your life.  I would still send cards to my mother on all the occasions you would normally, but that would be it.  I would expect nothing from her.

    If you don't "expect", you can't be disappointed.

    I know its easy for me to say and extremely difficult to actually do.  But you have to accept what is and clearly your mother gives the impression that she is not interested.  Whether that is the case or not is another kettle of fish. 

    You are clearly really hurt by everything that has gone on before and I have no doubt you will feel hurt all your life.  There really is no simple answer but you should take comfort that your siblings keep in touch, you obviously have children of your own and they are the most important thing in your life now.

    I doubt I have said anything that helps but hopefully it will make you think in the right direction.

    Take care.

    blue

    lindalou - ovo je tako tužna priča.

    Moje mišljenje - koliko vredi...zvuči kao da je tvoja mama duboko zaljubljena u tvog "tatu". Iako vas je možda sve usvojio, on se nije ponašao kao otac u bilo kom obliku ili obliku. Izgleda da vas je majka sve napustila zbog ovog čoveka - da bi on bio srećan. Ako mu se nešto desi, onda ne sumnjam da će se ona obratiti svojoj deci za utehu i po zvucima toga, te utehe teško da će biti.

    Zvuči kao da ste učinili sve što je u vašoj moći da uspostavite vezu sa svojom majkom, ali ona očigledno nije uopšte zainteresovana.

    Što se tiče vaše sestre koja vas briše sa fejsbuka, ona očigledno ne deli vaše stavove ili se brine da će to vaš "tata" videti.

    Povrh svega, imate svoje probleme sa leđima i drugim stvarima koje vam se dešavaju u životu.

    Da sam to ja, jednostavno bih otišao, ostao u kontaktu sa svojom braćom i sestrama koji žele da ostanu u kontaktu sa mnom i nastavio bih sa tvojim životom. I dalje bih slao čestitke svojoj majci u svim prilikama koje biste inače, ali to bi bilo to. Ništa ne bih očekivao od nje.

    Ako ne „očekujete“, ne možete biti razočarani.

    Znam da mi je lako reći, a izuzetno teško da uradim. Ali morate prihvatiti ono što jeste i jasno je da vaša majka ostavlja utisak da je ne zanima. Da li je to slučaj ili ne, to je još jedan kotlić ribe.

    Očigledno ste zaista povređeni zbog svega što se ranije dešavalo i ne sumnjam da ćete se osećati povređeno celog života. Zaista ne postoji jednostavan odgovor, ali treba da se utešite da vaša braća i sestre održavaju kontakt, očigledno imate svoju decu i ona su vam sada najvažnija stvar u životu.

    Sumnjam da sam rekao išta što pomaže, ali nadam se da će vas naterati da razmišljate u pravom smeru.

    Brini se.

    Plavi

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Thanks blue for your kind words. yes, I guess you can tell I am very deeply hurt from the past 'till present.  I don't understand why "she" deleted me, for she was one that got most of the blunts.  She lives in Texas and has shared with me that "their" relationship works because she is there and they are in Pa. (go figure?) I can remeber one day "dad" took Her head and Michaels and he banged their heads together like they were cymbals...for real!  I did make a comment, that the day he dies, I wonder who would carry his casket. because i know for a fact that Michael would not be one of them and as far as friends, hum? Maybe he will make it easy and be cremated...who knows. You know. the physical therapy that I am going through also does spritual, and they said that I need to learn how to forgive and get negative that surrounds me out, well trying very hard to do that, they say talk to the people that have hurt you and sound out----well I did just that and look what happened!  When I say just trying to understand, I am (trying)............................

    Hvala plavo na lepim rečima. da, pretpostavljam da možete reći da sam veoma duboko povređen od prošlosti do sadašnjosti. Ne razumem zašto me je "ona" izbrisala, jer je ona dobila većinu tupi. Ona živi u Teksasu i rekla je sa mnom da "njihova" veza funkcioniše jer je ona tamo, a oni su u Pa. (Da li shvatite?) Sećam se jednog dana da joj je "tata" uzeo glavu i Majklsa i udario im glave kao bile su činele...zaista! Dao sam komentar, da se onog dana kada umre, pitam ko će nositi njegov kovčeg. jer znam pouzdano da Majkl ne bi bio jedan od njih, a što se tiče prijatelja, ha? Možda će on to olakšati i biti kremiran...ko zna. Znaš. fizikalna terapija kroz koju prolazim takođe deluje duhovno, i rekli su da moram da naučim kako da oprostim i da dobijem negativnost koja me okružuje, pa se jako trudim da to uradim, kažu razgovarajte sa ljudima koji su vas povredili i zvuči izvanredno----pa, uradio sam upravo to i pogledajte šta se dogodilo! Kada kažem samo pokušavam da razumem, ja (pokušavam)................................

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    lyndalou, so sorry to hear of your strained relations with your parents, I can not imagine how hurt you are, and will pray for your family.  I am a religious person, and know that God has reasons for everything, try having a  talk with God, and maybe he can give you the answers and guidance you seek.  But do not let your parents behavior drag you down, you need to let it go and move on with your family, your brothers, sisters, kids, and grandkids and enjoy yourself.  I wish you the best of luck and will add your family in my prayers. 

    lindalou, tako mi je žao što čujem za tvoje nategnute odnose sa roditeljima, ne mogu da zamislim koliko si povređena, i moliću se za svoju porodicu. Ja sam religiozna osoba i znam da Bog ima razloge za sve, pokušajte da razgovarate sa Bogom, i možda vam on može dati odgovore i smernice koje tražite. Ali ne dozvolite da vas ponašanje roditelja povuče, morate to pustiti i nastaviti dalje sa svojom porodicom, braćom, sestrama, decom i unucima i uživati. Želim vam puno sreće i dodaću vašu porodicu u moje molitve.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    lyndalou, I can kinda relate to what you are saying. My mom was very abusive and had four children and didn't know how to love them. My Dad was our salvation he was kind and loving and tried to take our pain away. For many years I was torn hating my mom for the person she was and all the pain she had caused myself and my siblings and loving her because she gave birth to me and she was my mom. I continued throughout my adult life to maintain a relationship the best that I could and try to not let it totally depress me.When she passed away I had no regrets because I had continued to be a good daughter to her even if she didn't want me to. When she passed, I couldn't cry and for a while it bothered me, but I understand why. She robbed me of my childhood, making my sister and myself her little slaves, cooking, cleaning, taking care of my brothers from infants throughout and beating us when we didn't do things the way she wanted them done. When she passed, I felt relief and felt like finally I could forgive and live my life in peace.No torn feelings or guilt about anger built up inside of me. You will deal with this in your own way and hopefully find peace. Good luck.

    lindalou, mogu se nekako povezati sa onim što govoriš. Moja mama je bila veoma nasilna i imala je četvoro dece i nije znala kako da ih voli. Moj tata je bio naš spas, bio je ljubazan i pun ljubavi i pokušavao je da nam otkloni bol. Dugi niz godina sam bio rastrzan mrzeći svoju mamu zbog osobe kakva je bila i svu bol koju je nanela meni i mojoj braći i sestrama i voleo sam je jer me je rodila i bila je moja mama. Nastavio sam tokom svog odraslog života da održavam vezu najbolje što sam mogao i pokušavam da ne dozvolim da me potpuno deprimira. Kada je umrla nisam žalio jer sam joj nastavio da budem dobra ćerka čak i ako nije žele da. Kada je prošla, nisam mogao da plačem i jedno vreme mi je to smetalo, ali razumem zašto. Otimala mi je detinjstvo, pretvarajući moju sestru i mene u svoje male robove, kuvala je, čistila, brinula o mojoj braći od beba sve vreme i tukla nas kada nismo radili stvari kako je ona želela. Kada je umrla, osetio sam olakšanje i osećao sam se kao da konačno mogu da oprostim i da živim svoj život u miru. U meni se nisu nakupljala razderana osećanja ili krivica zbog besa. Vi ćete se nositi sa ovim na svoj način i nadamo se da ćete naći mir. Srećno.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Hi lynda,

    As i read your story i could not help but feel your pain. You have love in your heart and just don't understand how your own blood can turn their back on you.

    It is not easy to let go......and we don't give up the fight easy. Family is very important to you. How is it possible to feel so unloved by family when its such a natural process in life.

    What you must realize is there is nothing wrong with you. You are not unlovable. Please know this. Understand that there is something off kilter and dysfunctional in the family structure here. You, a person of feeling and hurt shows your love and stability. It is only normal for you not to understand.

    As far as you sister deleting you, she is caught up in the web of denial. For some siblings they can't cope with the harsh reality. You show your strength and clarity to realize this is not what a family should be.

    Sometimes in life there really is no choice but to let go. It can take a lifetime for some to realize this. To walk away does not make you a bad person.......only a better one.

    I admire your courage and openness to share your personal story. Especially with holidays fast approaching.......family at this time of year is so vital.

    I relate to you because i feel as if i wrote those words myself..... Your not alone and remember people in life do really care......especially your LCB family.

    Thank you for your courage.

    Lips
    Zdravo Linda,

    Dok sam čitao tvoju priču, nisam mogao a da ne osetim tvoj bol. Imate ljubav u svom srcu i jednostavno ne razumete kako vaša sopstvena krv može da vam okrene leđa.

    Nije lako pustiti se......i ne odustajemo od borbe lako. Porodica vam je veoma važna. Kako je moguće da se osećate tako nevoljenim od strane porodice kada je to tako prirodan proces u životu.

    Ono što morate shvatiti je da s vama ništa nije u redu. Ti nisi neljupki. Molim vas da znate ovo. Shvatite da u porodičnoj strukturi ovde ima nečeg neuobičajenog i nefunkcionalnog. Vi, osoba osećanja i povrede pokazujete svoju ljubav i stabilnost. Normalno je da ne razumete.

    Što se tiče tvoje sestre koja te briše, ona je uhvaćena u mrežu poricanja. Neki braća i sestre ne mogu da se nose sa surovom stvarnošću. Pokazujete svoju snagu i jasnoću da shvatite da to nije ono što porodica treba da bude.

    Ponekad u životu zaista nema drugog izbora nego da se pusti. Nekima može biti potreban ceo život da to shvate. Odlazak te ne čini lošom osobom.......samo boljim.

    Divim se vašoj hrabrosti i otvorenosti da podelite svoju ličnu priču. Naročito kada se praznici brzo približavaju.......porodica je u ovo doba godine tako vitalna.

    Odnosim se na tebe jer se osećam kao da sam sam napisao te reči..... Nisi sam i pamtiš ljude u životu zaista je stalo......naročito tvoja LCB porodica.

    Hvala vam na hrabrosti.

    Usne
  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    I don't want sound cold hearted or mean , but let it go and get over it . Your parents are almost 70 yrs. old and they haven't changed so . to think they might now is wrong . Also you have to remember they were raised to be like they are . the men to be provider and ruler of the roost , the woman to be caregivers and homemaker . it was just different times . I've never seen my father cry or hear him tell anyone that he loved them . But you knew he did and the way he would show is by always providing for the family . so you being a modern adult should rise above everything and except thing for the way they are cause to Deni yourself them could bite you in the ass . What if they died tomorrow ? Wow would you feel about haven't talking to them for 2yrs ? But what do I know I think my family calls me a little to often and with my mom i feel it's fake and she's  overcompensating cause of the they were for the previous 40+ yrs.
        thats my 2 cents do what you want with it

    Ne želim da zvučim hladnokrvno ili zločesto, ali pusti to i preboli to. Tvoji roditelji imaju skoro 70 godina. stari i nisu se tako promenili . misliti da bi mogli sada je pogrešno. Takođe morate zapamtiti da su odgajani da budu takvi kakvi jesu. muškarci da budu hranitelji i vladari utočišta, žene da budu negovateljice i domaćice. samo su bila druga vremena. Nikada nisam video svog oca da plače ili ga čuo da nekome govori da ih voli. Ali vi ste znali da jeste i način na koji će pokazati je da uvek brine o porodici. tako da bi ti kao moderna odrasla osoba trebalo da se izdigneš iznad svega i osim stvari zbog načina na koji su uzrok da Deni sebe može da te ugrize za dupe . Šta ako su umrli sutra? Vau da li biste se osećali da niste razgovarali sa njima 2 godine? Ali šta ja znam, mislim da me moja porodica zove malo prečesto i sa mojom mamom osećam da je lažno i da ona preteruje zbog toga što su bili prethodnih 40+ godina.
    to su moja 2 centa, radi šta hoćeš sa tim

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Thank You All! It really means alot to me, knowing that some can relate well, is "unreal" thinking! I know i am getting into a much better place now, just getting there is hard.  Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, that too means alot to me.  I have learned that there are 3 types of business, mine, others and God's. I cerainly don't belong in others peoples business, and well God's business is his own (just hoping he includes me!) I know I am just learning the spiritual side in me and boy never knew that exsisted before. Each day I try to look for all the good and not the negative, but the hurt part, when does that go away? Will it ever? These are the things I find confusing! Like trying to understand the "how's and why's? Growing up we were taught "not" to cry, but who ever said crying was wrong? I know I now have done my share and sometimes, well most of the times, a good cry does me well, but I still haven't changed things, see, still not understanding. Trying understand why my mother is the way she is just confuses me, and yes, I am learning from her mistakes, I would never allow one of my children to ever feel the pain that i feel, or my loving grandchildren.  I love them all and am not afraid to say I love you......and give higs and kisses all the time! My daughter is moving right now as we speak (for real) moving only 4 blocks away to be closer to me!! How lucky am I!!!!!!  She does not allow a day go by without calling me (like 4-5 times) and always ends by saying Love you Mom! I guess I am the lucky one! Thanks to all!

    Hvala vam svima! Zaista mi mnogo znači, znati da se neki mogu dobro povezati, je „nestvarno“ razmišljanje! Znam da sada ulazim na mnogo bolje mesto, samo je teško stići tamo. Hvala vam što me držite u svojim molitvama, i to mi mnogo znači. Naučio sam da postoje 3 vrste biznisa, moj, tuđi i Božji. Ja sigurno ne pripadam tuđim poslovima, a Božji posao je njegov (samo se nadam da će uključiti i mene!) Znam da samo učim duhovnu stranu u sebi i dečak nikada nije znao da to postoji ranije. Svaki dan pokušavam da tražim sve dobro, a ne ono negativno, već povređeni deo, kada to nestaje? Hoće li ikada? Ovo su stvari koje me zbunjuju! Kao da pokušavamo da razumemo „kako je i zašto? Dok smo odrastali, učili su nas „ne” da plačemo, ali ko je ikada rekao da je plakanje pogrešno? Znam da sam sada učinio svoj deo i ponekad, u većini slučajeva, dobar plač jeste ja dobro, ali još uvek nisam promenio stvari, vidiš, još uvek ne razumem.Pokušaj da shvatim zašto je moja majka takva kakva je samo me zbunjuje, i da, učim na njenim greškama, nikada ne bih dozvolio da neko od svoje dece da ikada osetim bol koji osećam ili svoje unuke koji vole.Volim ih sve i ne plašim se da kažem da te volim......i da se pozdravljam i ljubim sve vreme!Moja ćerka se kreće upravo sada dok mi pričaj (stvarno) udaljavajući se samo 4 bloka da mi budeš bliže!!Kamo sreće!!!!!!Ona ne dozvoljava da prođe dan a da me ne pozove (kao 4-5 puta) i uvek završi tako što Volim te mama! Pretpostavljam da sam ja taj srećnik! Hvala svima!

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    I truly understand where you are coming from (bigjay).  Will it bite me in the ass.....probably so. I guess the soul searching that i am doing is making things confusing for me.  I do send cards to my mother but for "dad" no I do not, not anymore.  I don't know what I will do the day either one passes away, I really don't.  Like I posted, good or bad comments I do want to hear, maybe I am wrong and this will make me understand, or maybe change the way i am thinking.  Thank you for taking the time to post, and yes it matters to me.

    Zaista razumem odakle dolaziš (velika sojka). Hoće li me ugristi za dupe.....verovatno. Pretpostavljam da me traženje duše koje radim čini zbunjujućim. Mami šaljem karte, ali za "tatu" ne, više ne. Ne znam šta ću da radim onog dana kada neko umre, zaista ne znam. Kao što sam objavio, dobre ili loše komentare želim da čujem, možda grešim i to će me naterati da razumem, ili možda promenim način na koji razmišljam. Hvala vam što ste odvojili vreme da objavite, i da, važno mi je.

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Hi again lyndalou,

    There is one thing that you have gained out of all of this and this is the knowledge of how to love your children, how to treat your children and how to be a loving mother and grandparent.  Your bad experiences have made you a better person and if nothing else, you have that to be grateful for.  I know its a strange way to look at it - but knowing the hurt you have suffered, knowing the pain you have been through and are going through has made you more aware of how you treat your children which in turn has made them aware of how they treat their children and so it goes on.

    I try to never regret anything in my life, I just try to learn from it and make sure that I dont do the bad things that other people do to me.  You have learned and you have made sure you don't do the bad things to others that have been done to you.

    As for the hurt you feel - that will take a long time to go but you have to look at it like its not personal - you weren't the only child your mother has done this to and you werent the only child your "dad" has treated badly either.  Nobody but your mother can explain why she has been like she is and by the sound of things, nothing is ever going to change her.  But - at some time soon she may regret how she has been.  As long as you have no regrets, there is little more you can do but accept that she is how she is.

    You've done everything you can, you've become a better person and you will never ever ever be like them.  Thank goodness for that.



    blue

    Zdravo opet Lindalou,

    Ima jedna stvar koju ste stekli iz svega ovoga, a to je znanje kako da volite svoju decu, kako da se ophodite sa svojom decom i kako da budete voljena majka i baka i deda. Vaša loša iskustva su vas učinila boljom osobom i ako ništa drugo, imate na tome da budete zahvalni. Znam da je to čudno gledati na to – ali saznanje o povredi koju ste pretrpeli, saznanje o bolu kroz koji ste prošli i kroz koji prolazite učinilo vas je svesnijim kako se ponašate prema svojoj deci, što ih je zauzvrat učinilo svesnim kako leče svoju decu i tako dalje.

    Trudim se da nikada ne zažalim ni za čim u svom životu, samo pokušavam da učim iz toga i da se pobrinem da ne radim loše stvari koje mi drugi ljudi rade. Naučili ste i pobrinuli ste se da drugima ne radite loše stvari koje su vama učinjene.

    Što se tiče povrede koju osećate - to će potrajati, ali morate da gledate na to kao da nije lično - niste bili jedino dete kome je vaša majka ovo uradila i niste bili jedino dete svom "tata" se takođe loše ponašao. Niko osim tvoje majke ne može da objasni zašto je takva kakva jeste i po zvuku stvari, ništa je nikada neće promeniti. Ali - uskoro će možda zažaliti zbog toga što je bila. Sve dok ne žalite, ne možete ništa više da uradite osim da prihvatite da je ona takva kakva jeste.

    Učinili ste sve što ste mogli, postali ste bolja osoba i nikada nećete biti kao oni. Hvala Bogu na tome.



    Plavi

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Lynda,

    Being spiritual really does help. Look at the good that came out of this. You had two paths to take here in your life.

    Either to be dysfunctional as your family or be just the opposite.You choose the right path. Look at that....your daughter wants to live just 4 blocks away!!!

    I don't know why things happen in life....but one thing for sure....you have learned through pain and suffering what real love is.

    You are awesome........and a great mom!!!!!!!!

    In the end you are rich beyond all the riches in the world.....you have your own family now that loves you!! What a gift!!

    Lips
    Linda,

    Biti duhovan zaista pomaže. Pogledajte šta je dobro proizašlo iz ovoga. Imali ste dva puta da krenete ovde u svom životu.

    Ili da budete disfunkcionalni kao vaša porodica ili da budete upravo suprotno. Vi birate pravi put. Pogledaj to... tvoja ćerka želi da živi samo 4 bloka dalje!!!

    Ne znam zašto se stvari dešavaju u životu.... ali jedno je sigurno.... kroz bol i patnju ste naučili šta je prava ljubav.

    Ti si super........i sjajna mama!!!!!!!!

    Na kraju si bogat iznad svih bogatstava na svetu..... sad imaš svoju porodicu koja te voli!! Kakav poklon!!

    Usne
  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Drawing form the old days when I did family therapy.....Some things to consider.  I will be brief and concise.

    First, do not under estimate the power of family of origin issues.  This is poweful stuff and always bigger than you are.

    Second, you cannot change other people's behavior.  To attempt to do so almost always leads to a royal mess. 

    Third, you can only change your OWN functioning within the family system.  Change you, change the system.  However, it is very, very hard doing this on your own; therefore, you need a "coach", a therapist, to process you through this. 

    If you want further feeback how to find a good therapist, send me a PM.

    Prayers for you....

    Crtanje iz starih dana kada sam radio porodičnu terapiju.....Neke stvari koje treba uzeti u obzir. Biću kratak i koncizan.

    Prvo, nemojte potcenjivati moć pitanja porodice porekla. Ovo je moćna stvar i uvek veća od tebe.

    Drugo, ne možete promeniti ponašanje drugih ljudi. Pokušaj da se to uradi skoro uvek vodi do kraljevskog nereda.

    Treće, možete promeniti samo SVOJE funkcionisanje u okviru porodičnog sistema. Promeni vas, promeni sistem. Međutim, veoma je, veoma teško da ovo uradite sami; dakle, potreban vam je "trener", terapeut, koji će vas obraditi kroz ovo.

    Ako želite dodatne informacije o tome kako pronaći dobrog terapeuta, pošaljite mi PM.

    Molitve za vas....

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    I really didn't expect as many replys that I have gotten and want to thank each and every one of you! Yes I can see some must think I may need some counciling and such....I am now 46 years of age and all seems to be coming to a head I guess.  After starting my physical therapy, they also started some new things like the spiritual healing and other things just came into place.....wierd how things just happen.  I am truly confused in all aspects.  Like I said before, I talk w/ my younger brother all the time and it was just something that "came up" and he shared his feelings w/ me as I did him.  Never did it come up. have you talked to mom or dad or, sis etc. we just always talk about our everyday living and such. I think it was because neither of us wanted eachother to know what was happening to each other.  He always protected me throughout our growing up years and even now, still protecting my feelings.  I will never forget the sound of his voice when we had the heart to heart talk a couple of weeks ago and I thank God we did...alot came out, he too remembers, even that awful head bang between him and my sister kelly (u know the one who deleted me!) I really want to thank all of you that have replied, you all are very dear to me and it means ALOT! I think Self-healing is starting right here for me!

    Zaista nisam očekivao toliko odgovora koje sam dobio i želim da se zahvalim svakome od vas! Da, vidim da neki misle da će mi možda trebati neko savetovanje i slično.... Sada imam 46 godina i čini se da sve dolazi na kraj, pretpostavljam. Nakon početka moje fizikalne terapije, takođe su započeli neke nove stvari kao što je duhovno isceljenje i druge stvari su samo došle na svoje mesto... čudno kako se stvari samo dešavaju. Zaista sam zbunjen u svim aspektima. Kao što sam rekao ranije, stalno razgovaram sa svojim mlađim bratom i to je samo nešto što je "iskrslo" i on je sa mnom podelio svoja osećanja kao i ja sa njim. Nikad se to nije pojavilo. da li ste razgovarali sa mamom ili tatom ili, sestrom itd. mi jednostavno uvek pričamo o našem svakodnevnom životu i slično. Mislim da je to bilo zato što niko od nas nije želeo da jedni drugima znaju šta se dešava jedno drugom. Uvek me je štitio tokom godina našeg odrastanja, pa čak i sada, i dalje štiteći moja osećanja. Nikada neću zaboraviti zvuk njegovog glasa kada smo razgovarali od srca pre nekoliko nedelja i hvala Bogu da jesmo... mnogo toga je izašlo, seća se i on, čak i onaj užasan udarac glavom između njega i moje sestre Keli (znaš onog ko me je izbrisao!) Zaista želim da se zahvalim svima koji ste odgovorili, svi ste mi veoma dragi i to mnogo znači! Mislim da samoizlečenje počinje upravo ovde za mene!

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski

    Yes....you are starting some good things!  Obviously a lot of people care about you on LCB!  Just my 2 cents.....keep getting professional counseling in mind.  My own family of origin was a giant MESS!  And I got help years ago and I am VERY glad I did.  The professional "coaching" is priceless....

    Da....počinješ neke dobre stvari! Očigledno je da je mnogima stalo do vas na LCB-u! Samo moja 2 centa.....imajte na umu profesionalno savetovanje. Moja sopstvena porodica porekla bila je džinovski MES! Dobio sam pomoć pre mnogo godina i VEOMA mi je drago što jesam. Profesionalni "koučing" je neprocenjiv...

  • Original engleski Prevod srpski
    Lynda,

    I'm so glad you feel the spiritual healing has begun. It's amazing isn't it, how coming to a site builds such bonds and closeness.

    There is a lot of genuine people here that really do come to our rescue. It takes people like you lynda to open your heart. You have perserved through your struggles and still have faith in people.

    It's you who should be thanked.......your an inspiration.

    Lips
    Linda,

    Tako mi je drago što osećate da je duhovno isceljenje počelo. Neverovatno je, zar ne, kako dolazak na sajt gradi takve veze i bliskost.

    Ovde ima mnogo pravih ljudi koji zaista dolaze da nas spasu. Potrebni su ljudi poput tebe Linda da otvore svoje srce. Izdržali ste kroz svoje borbe i još uvek imate veru u ljude.

    Vama treba zahvaliti......vi ste inspiracija.

    Usne

Brzi odgovor

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