Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Dragi američki liberali, levičari, socijalni progresivci, socijalisti, marksisti i pristalice Obame, itd:
Držali smo se zajedno od kasnih 1950-ih zbog dece, ali ceo ovaj najnoviji izborni proces me je naterao da shvatim da želim razvod. Znam da smo tolerisali jedni druge dugi niz godina zbog budućih generacija, ali nažalost, ova veza je očigledno krenula svojim tokom.
Naše dve ideološke strane Amerike ne mogu i nikada neće da se dogovore šta je dobro za sve nas, pa hajde da to završimo prijateljski. Možemo se nasmejati i pripisati nepomirljivim razlikama i krenuti svojim putem.
Evo modela sporazuma o razdvajanju:
Naše dve grupe mogu ravnopravno podeliti zemlju po kopnenoj masi od kojih svaka zauzima sličan deo. To će biti težak deo, ali sam siguran da naše dve strane mogu da postignu prijateljski dogovor. Posle toga, trebalo bi da bude relativno lako! Naši predstavnici mogu bez napora da podele drugu imovinu pošto obe strane imaju tako različite i različite ukuse.
Ne volimo poreze na redistribuciju, tako da ih možete zadržati. Dobrodošli ste u liberalne sudije i ACLU. Pošto mrzite oružje i rat, mi ćemo uzeti naše vatreno oružje, policiju, NRA i vojsku. Mi ćemo uzeti gadnu, smrdljivu industriju nafte, a vi možete koristiti vetar, solarnu energiju i biodizel. Možete zadržati Opru, Michaela Moorea i Rosie O'Donnell. Vi ste, međutim, odgovorni za pronalaženje biodizel vozila koje je dovoljno veliko da pomeri sva tri.
Zadržaćemo kapitalizam, pohlepne korporacije, farmaceutske kompanije, Val-Mart i Vall Street. Možete imati svoje voljene doživotne stanovnike socijalne pomoći, bonove za hranu, beskućnike, kućne momke, hipije, narkomane i ilegalne strance. Zadržaćemo zgodne hokejaške mame sa Aljaske, pohlepne generalne direktore i seljake. Zadržaćemo Bibliju i dati vam NBC i Holivud.
Možete biti dobri sa Iranom i Palestinom, a mi ćemo zadržati pravo na invaziju i udaranje na mesta koja nam prete. Možete imati mirotvorce i ratne demonstrante. Kada su naši saveznici ili naš način života napadnuti, mi ćemo pomoći da im pružimo sigurnost.
Zadržaćemo naše judeo-hrišćanske vrednosti. Dobrodošli ste u islam, sajentologiju, humanizam, političku korektnost i Širli Meklejn. Možete imati i UN, ali mi više nećemo plaćati račune.
Zadržaćemo terence, pikape i velike luksuzne automobile. Možete uzeti svaki Subaru karavan koji nađete.
Svakome možete pružiti zdravstvenu zaštitu ako nađete lekara. Nastavićemo da verujemo da je zdravstvena zaštita luksuz, a ne pravo. Zadržaćemo „Borbenu himnu Republike“ i „Nacionalnu himnu“. Siguran sam da ćete rado zameniti „Imagine“, „Želeo bih da naučim svet da peva“, „Kum Ba Ia“ ili „Mi smo svet“.
Mi ćemo praktikovati ekonomiju isticanja i možete nastaviti da dajete siromaštvu svoj najbolji način.
Pošto vas to često tako vređa, mi ćemo sačuvati svoju istoriju, svoje ime i našu zastavu.
Da li biste pristali na ovo? Ako je tako, molimo vas da to prosledite drugim istomišljenicima liberalnim i konzervativnim patriotama i ako se ne slažete, samo pritisnite delete. U duhu prijateljskog rastanka, kladim se da ćete odgovoriti kome će od nas biti potrebna čija pomoć za 15 godina.
Prevod 
.
Run for president then.
$ we owe as a nation. (Mostly borrowed under his 18 month rule.)
