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Hi LCB'ers,

There is nothing i relish less than having to use a public bathroom!!! When i go to a public washroom i have to use a paper towel to open the door when i leave! If you should see a paper towel on the floor next to the door.....it was me!!

I have seen some pretty nasty restrooms!! Have you ever wondered how certain things end up on the walls in stalls? I wonder how many are squatters......God forbid should i sit my hiney on toilet seat!!

I did have a MAJOR horror story that happened to me and you will never guess where......yep the casino!!!

I had to make a mad dash to the restroom......feeling i needed a little bit more privacy than other times i choose the very last stall! After i complete my duty (no pun intended) i flush the toilet. OMGGGGGGGG, the worst thing that could ever happen just happened to me!!

The toilet over flowed......yes.....overflowed. Im not talking just a small stream over the toilet bowl. This was raging flood waters! There was a women in the stall next to me. I could see her shoes from under the stall. The river with all its elements with floating right in her STALL!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly it turned into a sewer that floated around her ankles!! Let me tell you......i never ran out of a bathroom so fast in my entire life. That has to be the absolute most horrible public experience i ever had!!

Hmmm.........just wondering.......have you any bathroom humor?

Lips

Lips. I've had such experience once...The same incident happened with me! But...it was in MY bathroom!! Thanks God I was not alone, my brother "saved" me and out house! Just don't know what he did...but without him I'd have run away as you did, lips! Who knows if I would still live there! lol

It must have been very funny, 13oclock!?! I'd feel embarrassed in such situation...and try to leave it as quick as I can!

Phib.........you are so lucky you were in your own house!!! Either way ya still want to die!!!

OMG!!!!  GIRL I KNOW RAN LIKE THE WIND AND NEVER LOOKED BACK!!!!  THAT IS SOOOOOO AWFUL!! 

Hi Gang:
    Recieved this in my e-mail from a good friend.  Made me laugh out loud and I appreciate her sending it to me. I also appreciate Lips for finally writing a humorous thread about the nightmare of public bathrooms. 

Funny...For the ladies..and the public bathroom nightmare.

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle

is occupied.


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch.. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR !) down with your pants and assume 'The Stance'.

In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your bag, which

is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.



'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don'tKNOW what kind of diseases you could get'.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks..

You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDEDit?)


You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet.. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?



This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.


This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.

OMG! I clean those bathrooms in a office building with two classrooms for 4-5 year olds. I noticed that in the mens bathroom I have been checking the soap dipenser for the last two weeks. Its been at the same level (just enough but almost empty) I have came to the conclusion men dont wash thier hands.
        You wouldnt believe the things I have to clean up some days and I must say it's usually in the ladies room. Like someone was in that time of month and somehow got blood on wall as well as seat and back of toilet. Then feces on wall UNDER toilet paper dispenser as if it may have been on hand and as they reached for paper hit wall!
        Theres more but I think you are all grossed out enough

I busted out laughing on this one. 13, you are a riot Thanks for being part of this forum.

OMG!!! how realistic. Nicely written, almost felt like i was there..lol. Thanks for sharing.

OMG!!!!!!!!  PAM!!!!!!!  I can't believe you published that!!  You know, I still think about it every once and a while, and start cracking up...I guess it was just too funny to keep to yourself, I know.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha 
I love funny stuff !

ROFL....

           

same here...i was banging on the desk laughing
the guy i work with thinks i'm nuts  ;D
(no, really he's as funny as we are..thank god)

[PMM.............ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


I love it girl!! Can i relate to the "stance"! How many times have been out and tipsy and do the infamous stance and sway. I have been known a time or 2 to hit my head on the stall door with that stance!!

I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for making my day!!

Lips

my older sis gave that to me, and i can remember my mom yelling at us when we were little, never to sit on the toilets...it really cracked me up

and lips..you made my eyes water over here yesterday with your story of the toilet overflowing...WAY to funny

Pam..bathroom humor is a riot, huh?!! 

This thread is too funny! I have a warped sense of humor and i have been laughing til the tears are rolling down my face.

Lips you are a character!!

Thanks grape...i like a warped sense of humor! I can tell your gonna be a blast!

Lips

Just for fun,

Smuggle a cantelope/ or grapefruit into the public bathroom stall next time you go.  Drop it in the toilet bowl from chest high.  After it gives you a big splashing sound, make a incredible sigh,( Ahhhhhhhhhhhh)  so that all the rest of the bathroom hears you.
      Let them draw their own conclusions.

LMAO..

Complete silliness, which I would never really do, but reading these things make me crack up.

                                                              PMM

anyone ever seen an "upper decker"????

thats where someone decides to drop a deuce into the tank as opposed to the bowl...

i was at the bowling alley last week and was heading to the mens room when i heard the kid that works there coming out of the bathroom swearing and complaining....i asked what was wrong and he showed me...sorry, i laughed my a$$ off

i hadn't seen an upper decker in years.

UPPER DECKER?  LMAO......

  I have never heard of such a thing.  But of course my sick sense of humor makes me laugh out loud at it.  Upper decker....hahahaha....My goodness.....

                                                        PMM

I learn something new every day. Regardless of how sick or twisted it is.

OMG...you guys got me started again...
first i was thinking, upper decker? how sick is THAT?? But the more I thought about it, I started laughing till my eyes watered...Just think of how long it must  have been in there before they found it...hahahahahaha
woooooooooooo...don't go in there
 

hahahahahahhahaha, darn you Nal, you got me dying over here now.

                                                            PMM

Another bathroom nitemare is missing the toilet bowl while in the infamous stance.Having dropped my clothes from the waist down....squatting in what i think is a good target position.........i miss the toilet bowl!!

Now i have to walk out of the bathroom wet!!! I know i'm not the only that has done that.......am i? lmaooooo!

Lips

i'm going to have send my sis some of these posts...see what she started..
this stuff is WAY funnier than the email 

LMAO!!!! Would never admit this!!! 

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! Am i the only one!! I need some target practice. Brb gonna go practice here at home............lmaooo!

Lips

hahahaha!!!!! no...just would never admit it 

i wouldn't go as far as target practice!!! hehe

 

I had one of those friends that could go anywhere.. i mean anywhere
when i was young.. if she had to go she was in the bushes, along the road
anywhere she could squat.. if she had to go she went!!

Once, while i was young, in a visit to Vegas with my family, we did this
every year and always got to bring along a friend, i chose "miss go anywhere".. well.. we were in the circus circus, had to been over 20 years ago think we were about 13, 14.. she had to go.. i went with her..
She walked in it was not crowded, she got her stall and went, and boy did she go.. she stunk the whole public restroom up, it was seeping out the door to the lobby.. that bad..
Now i had to go, she came out the stall and i was complaining a bit saying
dang it's so bad its burning my nose.. sheesh, so im plugging my nose trying to use this stall, i finally go.. and went to get paper and the roller was stuck, when i pulled on the paper it made this really loud rumbling sound only being able to pull little pieces atta time, by that time some loud mouth, big haired, wide knuckled, lady
was banging on my stall door yelling, hurry up honey, come on now, bang bang bang, and im trying to get the paper its rumbling loud bradada rup bradada rup, the lady bangs again, "stop it now honey you're going to break it".. im quiet, finally said never mind the paper and just stood up and pulled up, flushed and it OVERFLOWED!! all i did was tinkle and i didn't even have paper in it..  the lady is yelling.. "you broke it!!!"
i open the stall the door.. she looks at me, plugs her nose and
so very loudly says "peeeeeee uuuuuuuuuu".. a grown lady.. and it wasnt me who stunk it up, it was my friend, my friend got in there no problems did it no one seen her and no one knew it was her, i had to take the blame
My friend was laughing, i was mad and redfaced.
I learned a lesson that day.. she can go alone for now on..

There certainly is red faced....down right one to die situations! I have a friend that is quite a card. When we would go into stores she would relieve a bit of hot air.......quite loudly i might add and turn to me and say OMG i can't believe you just did that!! Half the people in the store would turn and look at me, when in fact it was HER!!

I know i had to turn seven shades of red! Later on after the embarrassment wore off we would laugh at the reactions of people. I keep telling her one of these days im going to get even with her!!!

Ahhhhh fun times!

Lips