I am just a bit confused here Jim,
I think jealousy is a natural emotion when your in love. How can you not feel that at times?
If my woman made the choice to step out on me i for sure would not ask if she had fun, how is that love, her bags would be packed and sitting on the curb when she got home. That is the ultimate in "betrayal" when your partner makes it there choice to cheat or even consider cheating on you.
Tony
Tony,
I agree that betrayal of your own more's is abhorrant, and a conscious decision to Cheat on the values and trust's established would warrant a harsh response... My point is that I do not consider a healthy libido cheating. I do not feel betrayed that someone I love has chosen to exercise what is truly a healthy (and intensely pleasurable) interest.
Unshackled by long term commitments, emotional baggage and free to enjoy and savor the moment, having it known upfront that it does not stir the green eyed monster, that it is not viewed by me as a betrayal nor "cheating" allows me to be solely concerned that she is safe, enjoyed herself and is happy. My own interests are viewed in a similar fashion.
That said, don't get the impression that we are out and out hedonists, nor some caricature of some 80's swinging couple with gold chains dangling. In 25 years of marriage this has come up a total of twice with her... a few more times with me. For her, it was a high school crush that she had never had the nerve to follow through on, and when chance brought us together, and I had met him and got to know him well enough to see what sort of man he was... when she asked... I allowed it. A second time was a typical girls night out, alcohol and laughing good times followed by a natural progression... again... I was more than happy that she felt secure enough in our relationship to feel no guilt, to look back on it as a one time fond memory and move on. Destroying a life you have built together for a moments pleasure... and angst over it completely evades my mental process.
Yes I know that this is not how the norm views it, but that is why my original post warned about the words "everyone" and "Always"...
Ja sam samo malo zbunjen ovde Džime,
Mislim da je ljubomora prirodna emocija kada ste zaljubljeni. Kako to ponekad ne osećate?
Da je moja žena odlučila da me istupi, sigurno ne bih pitao da li se zabavljala, kako je to ljubav, njene torbe bi bile spakovane i sedela na ivičnjaku kada dođe kući. To je ultimativna "izdaja" kada vaš partner odluči da vas prevari ili čak razmisli o prevari.
Toni
Toni,
Slažem se da je izdaja sopstvenih više odvratna, a svesna odluka da prevarite vrednosti i poverenje koje ste uspostavili bi zahtevala oštar odgovor... Moja poenta je da ja ne smatram zdrav libido varanjem. Ne osećam se izdanim što je neko koga volim izabrao da se bavi onim što je zaista zdravo (i veoma prijatno) interesovanje.
Neokovan dugoročnim obavezama, emotivnim prtljagom i slobodan da uživam i uživam u trenutku, znajući unapred da to ne uznemirava zelenooko čudovište, da to ne smatram izdajom niti mi „varanje“ dozvoljava da budem isključivo zabrinuta da je bezbedna, uživa i srećna je. Moji interesi se posmatraju na sličan način.
Ipak, nemojte imati utisak da smo hedonisti, niti neka karikatura nekog para iz 80-ih sa zlatnim lancima koji vise. Za 25 godina braka ovo se dogodilo ukupno dva puta sa njom... još nekoliko puta sa mnom. Za nju je to bila srednjoškolska zaljubljenost koju nikada nije imala hrabrosti da nastavi, a kada nas je slučaj spojio, ja sam ga upoznao i upoznao ga dovoljno dobro da vidim kakav je on čovek. Kada je pitala... dozvolio sam. Drugi put je bio tipičan devojački izlazak, alkohol i dobar smeh praćen prirodnim napredovanjem... opet... Bio sam više nego srećan što se osećala dovoljno sigurno u našoj vezi da ne oseća krivicu, da se osvrnem na to kao jedno vreme lepo sećanje i kreni dalje. Uništavanje života koji ste zajedno izgradili za trenutke zadovoljstva... i ljutnja zbog toga potpuno izmiče moj mentalni proces.
Da, znam da norma ne gleda na to tako, ali zato je moj originalni post upozoravao na reči „svi“ i „uvek“...