Šta treba da uradi?
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- Lipstick
- Admin 13900
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- Započeto
- Lipstick
- u Apr 19, 10, 10:05:33 PM
- Admin 13900
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 17 sati
Original Prevod Prevedeno saHiya Guys and Dolls,
A friend of mine asked me to pose this question at the forum. Please answer as honest as possible as to what you might do....
This is a real life situation she is in. She knew a guy from grade school who later got deported back to England, his homeland and can never return to the US again (never had visa when entered US with his mom when he was 7). She later met him via the internet. She fell in love with him and went to go see him in England in January.
The only way they can be together is if she leaves the states and moves to England. In the 2 years that he has been back in England he has NEVER worked. His reason....he was depressed that he could not come back to states where basically he grew up.
Now the only way she can move there is if he has a job and can prove he can support her before she can live in this country. This is what is considered a "sponsor". He recently got a job a month ago making minimum wage salary with no other skills but general labor. He has to save enough money to move out of the apartment with mom and live on his own. At best he will only be able to afford a very small apartment and have very little left over after paying the bills.
She will be leaving the states, uprooting her life of family and friends to go live with him as soon as he can get settled. She has a good paying job with a managerial position. She is acclimated to a certain lifestyle and way of living that is far different from his. She is also unsure of being able to land a good job once there.
A new problem has just surfaced to compound the situation.....his health. Having problems with palpitations recently he will where a heart monitor to determine if there is any heart issues. She is thrown into a panic of worry for his health.
This is a major step to take in her life. In order for her to stay there for a extended period of time she will have to marry him as soon as she arrives. If she comes back to the states to visit she will never be able to come with her husband. If she has children with this man her family and friends will never know them unless they visit England.
Given the circumstances of what she is faced with would you advise her to go or advise her to stay put?
LipsZdravo momci i lutke,
Prijatelj me je zamolio da postavim ovo pitanje na forumu. Odgovorite što je moguće iskrenije šta biste mogli da uradite...
Ovo je stvarna životna situacija u kojoj se ona nalazi. Poznavala je momka iz osnovne škole koji je kasnije deportovan nazad u Englesku, svoju domovinu i više nikada ne može da se vrati u SAD (nikada nije imala vizu kada je ušao u SAD sa svojom mamom kada je imao 7 godina) . Kasnije ga je upoznala preko interneta. Zaljubila se u njega i otišla da ga vidi u Engleskoj u januaru.
Jedini način na koji mogu da budu zajedno je ako ona napusti države i preseli se u Englesku. Za 2 godine koliko se vratio u Englesku NIKAD nije radio. Njegov razlog....bio je depresivan što nije mogao da se vrati u države u kojima je u suštini odrastao.
Sada je jedini način da se preseli tamo ako on ima posao i može da dokaže da može da je izdržava pre nego što bude mogla da živi u ovoj zemlji. Ovo se smatra "sponzorom". Nedavno je dobio posao pre mesec dana i zarađivao minimalnu platu bez drugih veština osim opšteg rada. Mora da uštedi dovoljno novca da se iseli iz stana sa mamom i živi sam. U najboljem slučaju, on će moći da priušti samo veoma mali stan i da će mu ostati vrlo malo nakon plaćanja računa.
Ona će napustiti države, iskorijeniti svoj život porodice i prijatelja da bi otišla da živi s njim čim se on skrasi. Ima dobro plaćen posao sa menadžerskom pozicijom. Navikla je na određeni način života i način života koji je daleko drugačiji od njegovog. Ona takođe nije sigurna da će moći da dobije dobar posao jednom tamo.
Novi problem se upravo pojavio da pogorša situaciju...njegovo zdravlje. Imajući nedavno problema sa palpitacijama, on će posetiti srčani monitor da utvrdi da li ima problema sa srcem. Bačena je u paniku od brige za njegovo zdravlje.
Ovo je veliki korak u njenom životu. Da bi tamo ostala duže vreme moraće da se uda za njega čim stigne. Ako se vrati u SAD u posetu, nikada neće moći da dođe sa svojim mužem. Ako ima decu sa ovim čovekom, njena porodica i prijatelji ih nikada neće upoznati osim ako ne posete Englesku.
S obzirom na okolnosti sa čime se suočava, da li biste joj savetovali da ode ili joj savetovali da ostane na mestu?
Usne -
- Odgovoreno
- tyesmommy
- u Apr 19, 10, 10:46:40 PM
- Sr. Member 413
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 7 godina
Honestly, Im getting really bad vibes about this guy. I'm not being judgemental about him or his situation, but just reading this gave me knots in my stomach. I think your friend should stay put. If it is true love, it will stand the test of time and she can move when he has some more stability.
Iskreno, imam jako loše vibracije o ovom tipu. Ne osuđujem njega ili njegovu situaciju, ali samo čitajući ovo sam dobio čvorove u stomaku. Mislim da bi tvoj prijatelj trebao ostati na mjestu. Ako je to prava ljubav, izdržaće test vremena i ona može da se kreće kada on bude stabilniji.
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- Odgovoreno
- toodleedoo
- u Apr 19, 10, 11:38:04 PM
- Sr. Member 452
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 4 godine
I second Tyesmommy, I have the same instincts about him.
Sviđa mi se Tiesmommi, imam iste instinkte o njemu.
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- Odgovoreno
- Lipstick
- u Apr 20, 10, 12:05:09 AM
- Admin 13900
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 17 sati
Well to be honest with ya........i do too. I have tried to reason with her and tell her this. But she is so blindsided with him that it's tough to reason with her. My fear is once the honeymoon is over she will wake up and say.......what have i done! :'( :'( :'(
LipsPa da budem iskren sa tobom........i ja isto. Pokušao sam da je urazumim i kažem joj ovo. Ali ona je toliko zaslepljena njime da je teško urazumiti nju. Bojim se da će se ona probuditi kada se završi medeni mesec i reći.......šta sam uradio! :'( :'( :'(
Usne -
- Odgovoreno
- Schwede
- u Apr 20, 10, 12:16:56 AM
- Sr. Member 252
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 4 godine
Just an idea...break things down to make it simple. Means at least she has to answer herself just one question:
Am I more lucky spending my time alone or am I more lucky beeing with the guy?
Everybody knows Luck and happiness can't be paid with money. And by the way, if you ask yourself this question and if you feel more lucky spending time without your couple, don't be selfish and lazy, think about splitting.
Excuse me if this sounds a little weird, I promise in my native language it really makes sense and I can better explain it...Samo ideja...razbijte stvari da bi bile jednostavne. To znači da ona mora sebi da odgovori na samo jedno pitanje:
Da li imam više sreće što vreme provodim sama ili sam više srećna što sam sa tipom?
Svi znaju da se sreća i sreća ne mogu platiti novcem. I usput, ako sebi postavite ovo pitanje i ako se osećate srećnijim da provodite vreme bez svog para, nemojte biti sebični i lenji, razmislite o raskidu.
Izvinite ako ovo zvuči malo čudno, obećavam na mom maternjem jeziku da zaista ima smisla i mogu bolje da objasnim... -
- Odgovoreno
- bradwill
- u Apr 20, 10, 04:39:50 PM
- Full Member 216
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 8 godina
I'm not familiar enough with the Immigration laws here in the US to say for sure but it sounds like there are some extenuating circumstances in his situation other than just the lack of a legitimate visa. Having someone permanently deported that was not brought here of their own volition (I'm assuming that at 7 ys old he didn't make the command decision here) and has remained for a good long time barred for life based only on lack of a visa seems pretty harsh to me. Wonder why he was deported in the first place - what suddenly brought the lack of a visa to the attention of immigration officials to begin with. I don't think there's a big push to oust the brits at this time, so something else must have brought him to their attention.
Obviously we don't have enough facts to make a really informed decision, but I think overall it sounds to me like she would regret the decision to just give up everything and up and move to a different country - a totally different life - to be with this person. If that were her gig she'd probably be in Greenpeace or a missionary or something rather than a manager in a pretty comfortable settled lifestyle that is surely radically different than what she's likely to be confronted with if she makes that decision. But love is blind to these things, so they say, so maybe I'm way off. Maybe she's miserable in her current situation anyway.
If not though, how 'bout this option: He comes back here to be with her and picks up some semblence of the lifestyle he apparently so desperately misses. Not directly of course, but say he goes into Mexico or Canada (flies, sails, swims, whatever it takes) - and Canada's probably the better choice here - then moves back across the border from there. Some identification modifications or at least falsified documents might be wise for these steps. Sure it's risky; but those are small risks for a huge gain right? We're all comfortable with that here anyway. People do this sort of thing all the time for all kinds of reasons; some of them pretty petty. The chance to consummate the love of your life has gotta be somewhere near the top of the list of good enough reasons for it.
Maybe then, and with a little creativity, he will be able to resume a more productive and fullfilling lifestyle and not have to wrench her from hers. Of course, with the economy and job market the way it is, he will be facing an uphill battle with this. If it doesn't pan out for him in the job front or just drags on at a slow crawl, Lips, you may need to teach one or both of them the dark art of bonus whoring.Nisam dovoljno upoznat sa imigracionim zakonima ovde u SAD da bih to sa sigurnošću rekao, ali zvuči kao da postoje neke olakšavajuće okolnosti u njegovoj situaciji osim samo nedostatka legitimne vize. Trajno deportovan neko ko ovde nije doveden svojom voljom (pretpostavljam da sa 7 godina nije ovde doneo komandnu odluku) i dugo je ostao doživotno zatvoren samo zbog nedostatka viza mi se čini prilično oštra. Pitam se zašto je uopšte deportovan - šta je za početak odjednom skrenulo pažnju imigracionih zvaničnika na nedostatak vize. Mislim da u ovom trenutku nema velikog pritiska da se Britanci izbace, tako da ga je nešto drugo moralo skrenuti na njega.
Očigledno nemamo dovoljno činjenica da donesemo zaista informisanu odluku, ali mislim da mi generalno zvuči kao da bi zažalila zbog odluke da jednostavno odustane od svega i odustane i preseli se u drugu zemlju – potpuno drugačiji život – da bi bila sa ovom osobom. Da je to bila njena svirka, verovatno bi bila u Greenpeace-u ili misionarka ili tako nešto, a ne kao menadžer u prilično udobnom i mirnom načinu života koji je sigurno radikalno drugačiji od onoga sa čime će se verovatno suočiti ako donese tu odluku. Ali ljubav je slepa za ove stvari, tako kažu, pa sam možda daleko. Možda je ona ipak jadna u svojoj trenutnoj situaciji.
Ako ne, šta kažete na ovu opciju: On se vraća ovde da bi bio sa njom i pokupio neki privid životnog stila koji mu očigledno tako očajnički nedostaje. Ne direktno, naravno, ali recimo da ide u Meksiko ili Kanadu (leti, plovi, pliva, šta god je potrebno) – a Kanada je verovatno bolji izbor ovde – a zatim se odatle vraća nazad preko granice. Neke modifikacije identifikacije ili barem falsifikovani dokumenti mogu biti mudre za ove korake. Naravno da je rizično; ali to su mali rizici za ogromnu dobit, zar ne? Ionako smo svi zadovoljni sa tim ovde. Ljudi rade ovakve stvari sve vreme iz raznih razloga; neki od njih prilično sitni. Šansa da doživite ljubav svog života mora da bude negde pri vrhu liste dovoljno dobrih razloga za to.
Možda će tada, uz malo kreativnosti, moći da nastavi sa produktivnijim i ispunjenijim životnim stilom i ne mora da je izvlači iz njenog. Naravno, s obzirom na to da je ekonomija i tržište rada onakvi kakvi jesu, on će se suočiti sa teškom borbom sa ovim. Ako mu to ne ispadne na planu posla ili se samo odugovlači sa sporim puzanjem, Lips, možda ćete morati da naučite jednog ili oboje mračnoj umetnosti bonus whoring . -
- Odgovoreno
- genenco
- u Apr 20, 10, 08:02:59 PM
- Mighty Member 3032
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 5 godina
Well, I have found that be it female or male. If they have their heart set on the "Love Interest" you can talk till your teeth fall out. Just tell her "I don't believe this is a good choice" and let her go on with her life.
Lord knows we've all tried to steer people away form what we believed to be bad for them, but rarely was it they listened.Pa, otkrio sam da je to žensko ili muško. Ako im je srce naklonjeno "Ljubavnom interesu", možete pričati dok vam zubi ne ispadnu. Samo joj recite "Ne verujem da je ovo dobar izbor" i pustite je da nastavi sa svojim životom.
Gospod zna da smo svi pokušali da odvratimo ljude od onoga za šta smo verovali da je loše za njih, ali retko su to slušali. -
- Odgovoreno
- Lipstick
- u Apr 20, 10, 10:59:41 PM
- Admin 13900
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 17 sati
Thanks for all your input. I will definitely show her this thread! Moving to Mexico or even Canada where it would be closer to home is something i actually did suggest to her Brad.
She did run it by him and he said the money needed to be saved to live in another country would take him forever not to mention again he needs a "sponsor" to live in these countries.
I guess i never realized how tough policies to live in other parts of the world are. Dreams of moving away to some faraway land is not so simple. The red tape is horrendous. In fact even when she went to England for a visit she was grilled by security as to why she was there and who she would be staying with. What her relationship was to him and the complications that would occur if she decided to jump ship and stay.
Love is blind and i do know you can talk til your blue in the face and nothing anyone says or does is going to stop them. Love has no boundaries and love conquers all when your so desperately in love. But when your on the outside looking in that's when you see that unfortunately fairytale endings don't always come true.........
Or can they?
LipsHvala na svim vašim doprinosima. Definitivno ću joj pokazati ovu temu! Preseljenje u Meksiko ili čak Kanadu gde bi bilo bliže kući je nešto što sam zapravo predložio njenom Bredu.
Ona je to vodila od njega i on je rekao da će mu novac koji treba uštedeti da bi živeo u drugoj zemlji oduzeti zauvek da ne pominjemo da mu je potreban "sponzor" da bi živeo u ovim zemljama.
Pretpostavljam da nikada nisam shvatio koliko su teška politika življenja u drugim delovima sveta. Snovi o odlasku u neku daleku zemlju nisu tako jednostavni. Birokracija je užasna. U stvari, čak i kada je otišla u Englesku u posetu, obezbeđenje ju je pitalo zašto je tamo i kod koga će odsesti. Kakav je bio njen odnos prema njemu i komplikacije koje bi nastale ako bi odlučila da skoči sa broda i ostane.
Ljubav je slepa i znam da možeš da pričaš dok se ne plaviš u lice i ništa što neko kaže ili uradi neće ih sprečiti. Ljubav nema granica i ljubav pobeđuje sve kada ste tako očajnički zaljubljeni. Ali kada pogledate spolja, tada vidite da se, nažalost, završnici bajki ne ostvaruju uvek.........
Ili mogu?
Usne -
- Odgovoreno
- tyesmommy
- u Apr 20, 10, 11:44:29 PM
- Sr. Member 413
- Poslednja aktivnost pre 7 godina
Gene is right, it's HER life and you can't talk her out of anything she has her heart on...she most likely wants affirmations from you and others that what she wants, is the right thing. However, the fact she even questioned following her heart means that something doesnt sit quiet well with it in her head. All you can do is state your honest feelings, reassure her you love her no matter what she decides, and sit back and see what happens.
Džin je u pravu, to je NJEN život i ne možeš je odvratiti od svega što joj je srce... ona najverovatnije želi afirmaciju od tebe i drugih da je ono što ona želi prava stvar. Međutim, činjenica da je čak dovela u pitanje da prati svoje srce znači da joj nešto ne leži u glavi. Sve što možete da uradite je da kažete svoja iskrena osećanja, uverite je da je volite bez obzira šta ona odluči, i sedite i vidite šta će se desiti.
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