Šta bi ti uradio?

We all know the joy of sending a child to College, the excitement of them being accepted, applying for financial aid. Then they graduate and you hope they land a well paying job to justify the expense of College. Then the reality kicks in you have to pay it back. I am $42,000 in debt due to my little graduate who is now 27 yr old man. My wages are being garnished for $27,000 and the other I have to pay back starting next wk. Of course he took out his little $15,000 Pell Grant for books etc. and is paying that back. But I am a single Mom and PAID his Rent, Frat dues including Rent in the summer months when he was not up in college because you have to sign a years lease you get no financial aid in the summer. I did this for 3 yrs. They financial aid money I would deposit into his bank acct for $3,718.50 he blew threw it and did not pay his rent,dues, etc like he was supposed to and would call me up saying I need you to pay for it out of your own money or i will get kicked out of school. Of course I PAID it. A college loan is not something you can claim bankruptcy on and even if you retire they will take your social security pymts,irs tax refunds etc. My son feels that ALL parents should pay for and send their child to school and that he is paying his $15,000 back. I think this is outrageous and want to have him sign a promissory note to pay for half and he is not willing to do this. My sisters say what Parent would make their child pay for college? What would you do? :'(

I think the fact that he had the money and blew it and then asked you for it, is way out of order. 

No I wouldn't ask him to pay half but I would expect him to go out and get a decent job and once he had a decent job, then maybe I would ask for some help to help clear it.  Does he still live with you?

If he still won't pay, then no - I would not ask my son to sign a promisory note.  Do tell him not to expect any further help though because of the debts you have because of him.

One day in the future, when he is older and wiser -  you never know, he may eventually help you with it. (But I do doubt it very much)

blue

Does not live with me does not pay any Rent. Lives with my sister in a 4 bedroom house, sister unmarried no kids. He owns his own company foreclosure cleanout homes and moving makes around $4000 a month. >:(

Well that is just plain mean then. 

I still don't think the promisory note is right because he is your son but I would have thought his conscience would have got the better of him.  He could at least give you something every month to help clear this awful debt he has landed you with.

Maybe it's time for you to plead poverty to him and tell him you can't pay your bills cos you spent all your money.  I wonder if he would come to your rescue?

My experience makes me think that he won't but you never know!

blue

It's the Generation X mentality, it's the facebook I can say whatever I want because we have 1st amendment rights. It's the "Hell no we wont go Berkely mentality". It's the youth against the establishment generation. It's the you try to spank me and I'll throw you in jail for assault generation.  "Spare the rod spoil the child" I spanked him one time, thats my problem now. It's his attitude all my friends parents paid for college you should also. His friends parents were Mom and Dad and were Drs and lawyers and oh yes the mayors kid. There was only me MOM period. Now of course he calls and says I would like to take you out for a Mothers day dinner? This year I told him I really have to think about it, I will get back to you. You see it is fine as long as I don't mention it and just suck it up, because as he says I should because everyone else did.

I totally know where you are coming from.

He must know how you struggled to help him out - of course he does.  He doesn't worry about how you struggle now because of his actions.  Sounds like he doesn't get that you were on your own and that you did it all by yourself. 

You truly should be proud of what you have done for him- even if he doesn't appreciate it.  You were the one that put him through college, you were the one that bailed him out and you were the one that probably sacrificed things you probably needed but instead you gave the money to him.  He doesn't appreciate you that is for sure and he doesn't understand what you have done for him all by yourself.

As for the Mothers day meal - only you can decide whether to go or not. 

blue

I am sending my kid off to college.  Run #1  Never, never sign for a loan.  Make the kid do it.

Lucky, I am sorry.  I really am, but your child has some serious "entitlement" issues.  When I was a practicing psychologist I saw it ALL the time:  Mom and dad going BROKE so their kids can live the highlife. 

All you can do is live-and-learn.  And perhaps just keep a check on youself so you don't do any enabling. 

I reallly am sorry.......this sounds very, very painful.

Well, you "Could" instigate a lawsuit, but this would drive a wedge into the relationship of yours.

I wish there was a solid answer, but sounds like he's still an irresponsible child. I think it's best to try and pay and write it off...But you can just send him a nice card for Christmas and his birthday.

You already gave enough cash wise.

Gen, I am afraid she wouldn't have a leg to stand on to sue.  If she signed the note, she is 100% stuck with it.  I am sure there will be lots of genuine empathy from the LCB family.  I am just trying to make the point that parents should not go on the hook for their adult children. 

You are totally right - but we do and if we had our time again, we would do it again because no mother want's to see their child fail because we couldn't come up with the money.

It's a terrible situation and I agree, write it off and just give him cards for Christmas and Birthday.

blue

Well, not being a lawyer though. she could prove where the cash went and what for. Unless (I may have not seen/read) that she took out the loan personally.

If that is the reason, then you're probably right.

Heck with all the financial help offered to students, seems few should have to hit up the parents for cash...Or for some minor stuff...Pity...

Technically Geneco is 100% correct borrowing Federal Financial Aid and not using it for purposes intended Education can be investigated it is MISSAPPROPRIATION of federal funds and it is a FELONY! In that case I would not have to pay it back. But look at the cost and I do not mean financial. Students have been borrowing Financial Aid and buying houses with it, taking trips etc. This is NOTHING to brag about and if you get caught you will go to jail. I posted so that NO other Parent falls into this trap. Your child will have many yrs of employment to pay it back. Never take out a loan for your child to go to College. On one loan only $8,000 it will be $15,000 by the time I pay it back thats interest.

Hi Lucky,

The real question here is what does your heart tell you? From what i read in your post i think you are feeling he should pay at least half. I would have to agree with that.

You raised him, took care of him during his college years and it sounds like he will be doing pretty good for himself thanks to good parents. Your not obligated to "owe" your son anything, he is a grown man.

You have had your share of misfortune with the accident. You need to think about yourself now and your future. Follow your heart and your instinct.

Whatever decision you make, just make sure its your own and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Lips

Also always have your student apply to College as an Independent. Which means he is 100% on his own and you do not get to ride him off your taxes as a dependent. It is kinda sneaky they way they make you apply to Colleges it is a database that asks for your taxes and if you student lives with you. Now you think you are just applying to colleges to be accepted you are and you are not. Two things are happening at that time they take this info you provided and you and your student pick all the colleges they would like to attend they are prequalifying you both at that time, checking to see if your student has a checking/savings acct they will hold that against him for FINANCIAL AID,  then they are sending in your application with your financial ABILITY TO PAY to all the colleges you choose at the same time. The colleges have already seen your financials before they send you an acceptance letter. Then they tell you upon acceptance wel the College will cost about $30,000 to attend a year. BUT what they do NOT TELL YOU is that there is ALSO the COST OF ATTENDANCE this is ROOM/BOARD FOOD,TRANSPORATION,HEALTH INS and that is ANOTHER $28,000 A YEAR. So your $30,000 College yearly is $60,000. Parents always ask what does is cost to go to your College THEY NEVER ASK WHAT IS THE TOTAL COST OF ATTENDANCE.

My sons response was absolutly Beautiful, and a promise to help, when i am hurting he is hurting he wrote. But upon reflection it is something that is dear to my heart and not to the internet although I have known some of you for years and consider you all family it is still the internet and some things should be kept private. His words were priceless and even if I never see a dime his words were beautiful. There is no more important job in the world than that of a parent your success or failure with your child will effect generations to come. If you raised them with love they in turn will raise their child with love. That is priceless.

That is worth A MILLION dollars to I had to post it HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!

Hi Lucky,

What a beautiful heartfelt letter he wrote you. Right when you fell into despair....he writes something that i know you will hold on to for the rest of your life.

It says alot about you and who you are in that letter. Your a great mom for sure, but then again i always sensed it!

Lips